“Goodbye, Michael!” I shout after him. “I have a life to live. I hope you grow up, but I won’t hold my breath.” I allow myself to inhale deeply, taking Liam’s hand in mine and tugging him back into the arena to find Jack and Rook.

I just want to get to my son and get him home, where I know he will be safe.

By the time we pull up outside of my apartment Jack is fast asleep in the back seat of Liam’s car. Liam tried to convince me to stay at his place tonight but I need Jack in his own bed, surrounded by his own things for comfort.

Liam pulls Jack from the car, carrying his sleeping body up the stairs and into his room. I follow close behind them, the glow from the dark stars on Jack’s ceiling is the only light in the room apart from the light seeping in from the open bedroom door. In the low light I can see Jack snuggling up under his covers, not bothered at all by the events of tonight. I can’t say the same. My skin is burning, it feels like ants are under it trying to burst out. It is a mix of the dwindling adrenalin and the mum guilt that no matter what choice I make, I always feel like I fall short.

Not letting me linger the way I want to, Liam puts a hand at the base of my spine to guide me out of Jack’s room and over to the sofa. Silently, Liam potters around my kitchen making us both cups of tea. I can see that he wants to say something. Like he doesn’t know where to start or he doesn’t know what words to use. I could put him at ease. Break the silence for him, but I don’t have the energy, I don’t even know if I will have it in me to drink the tea he is making, but I will try. He is trying to help me, so I will let him. I need the support.

I need him.

Chapter Seventeen

Ellis

I never got sent to the head teacher’s office in school. I just kept my head down and did what I had to do to get through the day. My peers ignored me, I wasn’t part of their world, much to my mother’s chagrin. She wanted me to befriend them, to worm my way into the inner circle, but I didn’t. I did my school work and stayed home studying, doing my best to remain invisible, knowing that as soon as I could I wanted to get away from that life. It was so pretentious, and everyone was talking about each other behind their backs. I wanted as little attention as possible.