He holds me to his chest and rubs calming circles onto my back as I soak his T-shirt with tears. My back is pricked with sweat but I’m unsure if it is from the warm air or the fear I feel. Even the pain was real, being strapped down reminded me so vividly of the chronic pain I feel and every little movement aches deep within. The pain of that dream was real, mentally and physically.

“I’m sorry,” I sob, “I’ll be better. I promise, I’ll be better.” My words are muffled but Liam shifts when he hears me.

“You have nothing to apologise for.” I hear him but I don’t believe him, every word he says is silenced by the hatred I saw in his eyes.

“Please don’t hate me,” I’m begging and the tears are still falling but he holds me tight and kisses my forehead.

“Never Ellis, I could never hate you,” he tells me. “I heard you from the other room, what was happening?”

“You left, you walked away and took Jack with you,” I tell him, leaving out the other woman. I don’t think I can imagine her for another second without sobbing, and my breathing has only just started to even out.

“Me and Jack are right here, do you want to go see him?” he asks, god, he is perfect. I shake my head though, burrowing further into his chest.

“I don’t want to scare him. He’ll think I’m mad. Can you just hold me for a second?” I bury myself from the world. I never want him to let me go. Every day the baby is closer to coming into this world and the only place my anxiety can’t get to me is when Liam’s arms are wrapped around me. He knows exactly what to do – like he has done dozens of times before, he holds me in his arms, holding my broken pieces together because I don’t have the strength to.

I savour the moment, because I know it won’t last. Liam will need to rest when the season starts again, and the only way I can think of that happening is if me and Jack go back to our flat. It’s what Liam will need. I’ll think about that tomorrow though, because right now I just want him to hold me.

“Always,” he whispers.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Ellis

I know if I get caught Liam will give me attitude, but it isn’t my fault. How am I supposed to spend four months on bed rest when I can hear Liam and Jack laughing downstairs? There are only so many episodes of The Great British Bake Off a girl can watch before she starts to lose her mind.