Then I find 20 on the table.

Just one more.

Calming.

January 13

I once stopped pulling for 5 minutes.

No pulls today didn’t even want to

so happy.

I’m the only one who pulls my hair.

The only one.

January 14

I’m SO excited! We’re going to California!!!

We’re going to drive across the country in the van!

I can’t wait to get away from West Bloomfield.

I hate this town and all the mean kids.

I hate school.

January 16

Now I have a huge bald thin patch on top of my head again.

I have no more hair to pull. I pulled it all out.

Who would pull their hair out??

Grow pluck grow pluck grow pluck.

I hate mirrors.

January 25

How can I get away from it?

Is there a way to stop? I can’t do this anymore.

I found a really good root.

A whole week of progress ruined in seconds.

Mom puts so much pressure on me.

Dad cut my hair again today.

He keeps telling me to start exercising and maybe my hair will grow back.

I wish.

Everyone is always arguing about my hair.

January 26

I like to roll the root between my fingers.

I hope I don’t get it on the first pull.

January 27

Today I got a new canopy bed. It’s really pretty and it’s yellow.

It also has flowers.

I also got a new pillow cover!

I love the canopy part of my bed.

It makes me feel safe.

February 6

My baby hair is growing in but I want to pull them out because they stick up and poke out.

pluck pluck pluck pluck pluck regret

February 8

Today I am SO HAPPY! I didn’t pull yesterday AT ALL.

Mom keeps telling me it’s going to be harder for us

because we are Chinese.

I wonder if she is right.

Today I found a fat root and when I finally got it out

I felt like

SUPERMAN!

February 14

I am so scared I will pull out my eyelashes too.

Then my eyebrows.

And then I will have nothing.

Then I will be nothing.

5:

I am here

The Wig Store

It seems like a long time has passed

but one day

we’re at the wig store again

the wigs all look familiar

the faces holding

the wigs look familiar

I think one face

winks to me and says

you’re not alone little sister

you’re not alone

I somehow sense

that many sisters have been here before me

that many people like Clara have been here too

that the bodiless

heads must know a lot of secrets

Clara tries on

another wig in

the same bobbed style as before

I stare at the head with

the blue hair and

imagine

a world where everyone has

blue hair

where everyone has

the same body

the same face

and no one pulls

the blue hair out

and the blue-haired sisters