A Conversation

Maybe you should just ask Clara

Annie says after I tell her

about my

empty notebook

so one day I chew

my fingernails all the way down

until they bleed

and ask

Clara why her

hair falls out I don’t know

she shrugs it just does

stop being

so nosy

and then she gets up and walks

out of the room

maybe I am

nosy maybe people aren’t

supposed to talk

maybe the openings on our faces are

just for eating

maybe I want to know

too much

maybe I want to know everything

about Clara because she won’t

tell me anything

I gather my courage to

ask my mom why

Clara’s hair falls out

I have no more nails to

bite so I try to bite my toes

but can’t reach them anymore

I don’t know

nothing wrong with her

don’t talk about it

don’t tell anyone

she says

another notebook page

empty

My Family

When Clara and I fight

my mom says

you only have one family

one sister but

that’s my mom’s

fault not mine

In social studies we are

learning about archaeologists and

when they dig they take

notes images soil samples

measurements looking for

anything something

but usually find nothing

I’m like them

I’m an archaeologist

in the barren cold of Saskatchewan

my lips are blue and cracked

I’m always looking for something

but I don’t know what

maybe I’m looking for people

who talk about the rivers

that run beneath the earth how

they swerve to avoid each other

and then connect again

water is always talking

is always willing to

meld with other water no

matter where the other water

comes from

I wish someone would

save me from

all the

whispers

Hair Dream #5

I’m braiding my own hair in this dream and I’m proud I can do this on my own—right hand over, then left hand over. I’m so excited to finish until I look behind me and my hair goes all the way down the entire street.

The Doctors

The doctor looks

at Clara’s head looks

at my mom

then back at Clara’s head

sometimes the doctor glances

at me

I want to tell her

it’s not my fault

don’t look at me

but I always look down

or stare out the window

her eyes get squinty

as she gets close and picks at

Clara’s head with little tweezers

it’s so quiet that

I can hear everyone

breathing

I try not to look

I’m ready to write down what

the doctor says in

my notebook

but she doesn’t really

say anything

so I draw her glasses that

have jewels on them

what I would do

to have

eyes like

diamonds

eyes that can cut

through

secrets

Hair Dream #6

In another dream, I’m about to eat my dinner but when I look down, there’s no food, just a plate of hair, little pieces with one green parsley leaf in the middle. I wonder if plated hair with seasoning will taste good. When I take my first bite, it tastes a lot like spaghetti but gets stuck in my teeth. My mom makes me finish the whole plate. After, I feel sick. But no one will take me to see a doctor.