me high fives

or that they don’t cheer

loudly like the other parents

Clara hands me a

clean towel

and I understand

that’s her way of

congratulating

me

I want to say

something back to

her but

I just say

thanks

Letters

We’re sitting at a large round

table at a Chinese restaurant as

large as a basketball court again

my dad is laughing so hard he

takes off his glasses to

wipe his tears

my mom’s face is flush as she

chats with her Chinese friends

a big brown wet duck in

the center of the table

its curved neck shaped like

half a heart

fried colorful shrimp chips around

its body

Clara is on the other side of

the table

her bored face a mirror of

mine I catch her eye and

make hand motions two fingers

down means A

two fingers together curled

means B

my whole hand curved

means C

we struggle through our

own alphabet and make up

new ones like

a pointer and

middle finger intertwined is K

we send each other messages

you eat the eyeball

Clara spells out

I spell back

no you eat it

once in a while

my dad laughs so hard his

eyes shut

he wipes the sweat off

his forehead

we know we will be here for

hours because

they look

so happy

Hands

I don’t know why or

how but

maybe it’s the

endless laughter

the Chinese words everywhere at

every table

in the air

that I can’t quite

reach

or my good tennis matches

that afternoon or

my new friends

but my hands start

spelling out

I

K-N-O-W

in slow motion

Y-O-U

letter by letter

P-U-L-L

O-U-T

Y-O-U-R

H-A-I-R

the noise in the restaurant

seems to get louder and

louder

my dad’s face seems to get

sweatier and sweatier

my mom looks more and

more nervous as she chats

with

friends

when I’m done I put

my hands down

on my lap

Clara puts her hands down

on her lap

she looks at the broken duck

on the table

half eaten

its neck has lost its

shape even its eyes

are gone

it seems like hours before

she stops staring

she lifts

her hands

D-O-N-T

T-E-L-L

her face looks urgent like

an umbrella hurrying

to

open

in a sudden

monsoon

I spell out

O-K

Hair Dream #10

My hair has grown so long, I don’t see its ends anymore. One day, I decide to follow my hair down the hallway out the front door, down the street, around the corner, around another corner. Sometimes I see a dog sniffing my hair. Sometimes a kid skateboards over my hair. I’m so busy looking down that I crash into Clara, who is also following her hair. When we reach each other, we are both holding the ends of our hair which are connected, one and the same.

Never Again

After we finally get up and leave

the restaurant

my parents continue

laughing and talking outside in

the cold night