all jagged and uneven

the top has been trimmed too

the wig now looks bald

maybe the wig

needs a wig

I say

Clara actually laughs

then we laugh together so hard that

our bodies shake and

tears come

down our faces

Josh and Steve

Eventually Josh and Steve

return to school

and I can still

feel them in

the hallways but something

has changed

they don’t tease me anymore

they don’t look at

me anymore

out in the field they run

ahead and race with each other

chase the pretty American girls

the birds are more distant too

busy with their summer plans

distracted by their own routines

my head fills up with

the tingles before tears but

these tears are different

I take deep breaths and look up to

the sky my lungs fill up

with beating birds

they feel bigger as

if they’ve

grown

they try to

break

out

Egg Rolls

I’m surprised

my mom asks Mr. Heart if she

can teach

everyone how to

make egg rolls

I help her carry in all the wrappers

meat and cabbage filling

electric wok

I avoid everyone’s eyes

slink into my chair

my mom’s face is pink and

she has small drops of sweat

on her nose

her English is hard

to understand but

everyone follows along as they watch

her hands

fill

fold and

roll

I glance over at Josh who is

working hard to keep his egg roll

from falling apart

his eyes stare hard at the egg roll

eyebrows angular

my mom calls me up to help

her fry

lucky

I hear Josh say

I want to do that

someone else says

my body straightens a little more and

I lift my head a little higher as

I help my mom

pat off the grease on the cooked

egg rolls with

paper towels and pass

the egg rolls out

when I get to Josh’s desk

he looks excited

thanks he mumbles

I return to his desk with a

small red sack of

soy sauce

he nods and takes it from my hand while

his mouth is half open

I can see the bits of

egg roll in

his mouth

he is blowing with his mouth and fanning

with his hand

you can’t eat it too fast because the insides are really hot

I’m surprised to hear my own voice

he winces and nods

gives me a thumbs-up

when my mom leaves she

turns around and

waves to me

smiles

she looks relieved

I wave

back

Tennis Tournament

I’m surprised my mom tells

me she knows I’ve

been playing tennis at

the bubble

she says Coach Meredith

called to ask permission

for me to play

in a tournament and

told my mom how much

talent I have and how

hard I work

my mom looks angry and

she’s yelling at me

but her lips are

curled upward slightly

you have to work hard now

she says

you don’t want to embarrass us

bring shame to our family