‘That’s a long time ago, Tim, and it doesn’t matter—’

‘It does. Let me finish, please. I know I can’t stop her dying, or change how things have been for you or me in the past. The mistakes I’ve made.’ He leans across and kisses me on the forehead. ‘But you and Mum are going to be all I think about this summer. We’ll take her on trips to the places she’s missed out on. Maybe she wants to go to the Isle of Wight or on the Millennium Wheel in London.’

He’s speaking faster than usual, he’s wired and wide-eyed, racing against the clock to put everything right.

Except he must know that there is no grand victory ahead, no storming the building for a last-minute rescue.

‘You do understand it’s stage four, don’t you, Tim?’

He looks at me, and as I look back I see him as he is now. Not the boy I grew up with, or the wreck who failed his exams a year ago, but a man who knows what he has to do.

When people ask how we met, I always say we grew up together. Now I realize that the growing up is only just beginning.

‘Yes, Kerry. And I understand it’s time for me to make it up to both of you.’

Chapter 41: Joel

14 April 2005

Leo is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing before I fall asleep.

He knows nothing about all the ways I’ve failed people, especially him and his mum, and I know I’ll have to tell him someday. We’re almost at the end of our transition visits, ready for him to come home with me for good in thirteen days. Leo is changing and growing and so am I.

But the waiting is torture. Even though I now have parental responsibility, and Zoë gave up fighting before the final hearing, I am still struggling to sleep in case something dreadful happens.

‘Penny for them?’ Luke sits down next to me. We’re in the pub after a Coasters workout session. I usually get a high from leading a class, but not today.

‘Bit of family stress,’ I say. The understatement of the century.

He grimaces. ‘I hear you.’

Seeing Luke struggle to recover from his arrest has reminded me of how I felt. Except he seems to be turning the anger in on himself, whereas I damaged those I loved. Neither approach is healthy.

I remember Kerry meeting Luke’s wife, Ali, who confided in her that she couldn’t sleep for months after his cardiac arrest.

Did Kerry have nightmares after saving me? I never asked.