I cringe as they play a terrible clip from that daytime TV show all those years ago. The item ends with a trailer for Joel’s forthcoming show, and it’s all I can do not to throw the phone across the ward.

How dare he turn a tragedy into a PR opportunity. There was true heroism yesterday, I’m sure, but it definitely didn’t involve me.

This was why he was at the scene of the disaster, wasn’t it? There was no mystical completion of the circle of life. No debt repaid. Instead, he got the kind of self-promotion that will boost his career – and might cost me mine.

‘Mr Sawyer, all I can say is sorry.’

He takes his phone back. ‘It is highly unfortunate. Bad enough that you disregarded health and safety, but to have that misjudgement turn into a media circus will make us a laughing stock. The charge of disrepute allows for termination of contract and I have to tell you, I will be recommending that.’ He stands up. ‘Get well soon, doctor.’

I won’t cry. My situation is trivial compared to the suffering of the four families of the train passengers who died. Instead I am angry. I wish . . . I wish I had never loved Joel, never trusted him. I wish I had never saved his fucking life.

Chapter 67: Joel

I race home from the hospital, even though my chest and arms ache and my eyes are sore from not sleeping.

‘Merry Christmas!’ I say to everyone I pass. ‘Have a wonderful day.’

This was fate. I don’t even believe in fate, but what the hell else could it have been?

As I walk, my brain turns over what would have happened if I hadn’t gone to the crash site, or if I hadn’t decided to stop helping Liv when she went too far.

Liv.

Yes, I feel guilty. But really, will she be heartbroken by our relationship ending? We haven’t been happy in months, if not years. The fertility issues became all that was holding us together. My mind is swimming as I click open the gate to my parents’ house and walk up the drive. The door opens. But instead of Leo, impatient to open his presents, it’s my father, his expression grim.

Fear makes my heart race. Not Kerry. Not now.

‘Did the hospital call? Has she deteriorated?’

He shakes his head. ‘No, I’m sure Kerry’s fine. It’s Liv. Have you spoken to her?’

‘No. We’ve been texting each other; she stayed at the accident scene all night, didn’t she?’

He tuts. ‘I think you’ll find she’s been back to the edit suite too. Come and see what she’s done.’

I call Liv after I’ve watched the video. ‘What the fuck do you think you’re playing at?’