Kerry shakes her head. ‘Tim and I both know from our work that nothing is ever one hundred per cent certain. What’s happened to you proves that too. But we are happier together than apart.’

And that is it, isn’t it? We love each other. I will be the best husband I can be.

My mother closes her eyes and I wonder if she’s fallen asleep. She opens them again with a jolt. ‘Is that enough?’

‘It is for me.’ Kerry reaches out her hand to take mine. ‘That is if it’s enough for Tim as well?’

I say yes.

I say yes again the next day and it’s all exactly as I imagined it – but better, because I know I am lucky it’s happening at all.

Three days later, I sit at Mum’s bedside as the lengths between her breaths grow and grow. I tell her she can leave and I don’t know if she hears me, but an hour or so after that, the wait for another breath goes on and on till I know there will never be another.

I don’t call anyone into the room for a while. Instead, I hold her hand.

‘Thank you, Mum. For believing in me, even when you shouldn’t. And fighting for me. And fighting against me when you thought I was doing the wrong thing.’

I forgive her, too, but I can’t speak those words out loud.

I forgive you for blaming me for making you ill and for Dad leaving, because I know it wasn’t all you, but the sickness, and the things your own parents did. I forgive you for being angry so often. And for pushing me harder than I would ever have pushed myself.

If she hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t be the man I am, the one who is becoming better.

The funeral is already organized; all it takes is one call.

I let the tears come. I don’t have to pretend to be brave now she is no longer here.

Chapter 43: Joel

5 October 2005

‘Shall we interview you here,’ the presenter suggests, ‘with the team warming up behind you?’

The team.

The football thing hasn’t blown over. The opposite: six months down the line from that chat in the pub, The Unbeatables are preparing for their first competitive match.

‘So, can you start by telling us about your rather unusual football squad?’

I’ve thought about exactly what to say in advance, so my brain doesn’t get overloaded. Even though it’s nearly five years ago, I haven’t forgotten how badly my first TV appearance went.