‘Yeah, because that’ll really help. You don’t deserve a kid,’ I push my chair back, unable to be in the same room as him anymore. ‘I thought you’d changed, Joel. I really thought you’d grown up, understood that there are bigger tragedies in the world than your poorly heart and your lost career. But no, you’re worse than ever.’

‘Kerry, wait!’

My legs are stone-heavy as I walk towards the door. I turn when I realize I have one last thing to say. ‘In case you are in any doubt, I never want to hear from you again, OK.’

This time, I leave without looking back. I flinch at the cold and scurry up the street to hail a cab back to the bungalow and the good life I already have. Once I get through the front door, I pretend it’s the bite of the wind that’s made my eyes fill with tears.

Tim has pushed the boat out for New Year’s Eve. He takes me to a dinner dance at the Metropole and everyone spills onto the pavement when the clock strikes midnight. He looks handsome in his tux and I kiss him because I love him in my way and he loves me in his. I have learned my lesson. Again.

A Guide to the Chain of Survival: Part 3

Cardiac arrest is usually an electrical problem – and it takes electricity to fix it.

Giving CPR helps keep the brain and other organs alive. The next step is to give the heart an electric shock. This stops it – like pressing a reset button – to try to get it to beat with a normal rhythm again.

You’ve seen this on TV, too, usually on hospital shows. The pads go on, everyone stands clear, the patient jerks with the shock and everyone waits for the sound of a regular heartbeat. It’s called defibrillation.

But you don’t have to be a medic or in a hospital to use a defibrillator. These life-saving machines are known as automated external defibrillators (AEDs) and can now be found in thousands of public places: stations, shops, schools, even pubs. The machine works out whether a shock is needed and tells you exactly what you need to do to help the patient.

The 999 call handler will tell you where the nearest device is. But you should send someone else to fetch it: you mustn’t stop the CPR.

3. Get a defibrillator to the patient as soon as possible – whether that means operating one yourself, or the ambulance crew bringing theirs.

Every minute still counts.

Chapter 38: Joel

1 January 2005

Today I am five years old.

It is five years since I was shocked back from eighteen minutes of death. Five years since the only woman I’ve ever loved pummelled my chest and breathed air into my empty lungs.

It is also my son’s tenth day on the planet.