But instead of letting me go, Joel kisses me again, this time properly, and that music doesn’t seem anywhere near passionate enough to express how it feels to be here, in the moment, with the first boy I ever kissed, the only man I’ve ever felt this way with—

No. I love Tim. He’s my best friend. If the passion with him is more controllable, that’s better. Safer.

Isn’t it? But this kiss, this kiss . . .

The house bell rings, loud and self-important. I break away to see a shape where the porch meets the bay window.

Tim.

He’s staring through the glass, frozen. How much did he see?

Someone in stiletto heels is bulleting across the tiles to let him in.

Tim is thundering into the parlour. Rushing at Joel.

‘No, stop!’

I’m trying to get between them but, even though Joel is fitter and bigger, whatever Tim saw has given him the strength of a man twice his size.

I am breathless, still reeling from that kiss.

Tim’s fist strikes the side of Joel’s cheek. Joel doesn’t cry out. He’s not even fighting back. I don’t want him to hurt Tim, but why isn’t he defending himself?

It makes Tim even more furious.

‘Tim! We can talk about it. Don’t punch him again, please—’ What will make him stop?

I picture bruises blooming on Joel’s body and I know how to stop my boyfriend hurting my ex. ‘Tim, please stop, you might set off his ICD!’

Tim’s arm drops, his fist slackens and when he looks at me, the hurt in his face makes me wish I could take back my words.

Chapter 23: Joel

I deserve the pain.

For kissing Tim’s girlfriend – because that’s what she is, Ant has seen them together. But I deserve it more for breaking Kerry’s heart.

When he stops punching me, I want to tell him to keep going, to smash me up properly. Then Kerry can walk away from him. Come back to me. The way she kissed me just then, the one thing I know is that she still feels like she did two summers ago and—

‘How long has this been going on?’ Tim asks, between gasps.

I glance at Kerry – already my left eye is swelling up. The kiss lasted, what, twenty seconds? Two minutes?

But this really started the night of the millennium. Just because we haven’t been together doesn’t mean I haven’t thought of her most days. Christ knows, I’ve had nothing else to think about.

What do you want me to say, Kerry? I ask her with my eyes.

Tim sees the look she gives me and raises his fist. Instinctively, I block the punch with my forearm.