Nevertheless, from my experience and my observations, the vast majority of men who desire Humiliation Play were never abused. The male desire to submit to a woman is so strong that the act of being humiliated helps the submissive male to feel inferior to the female and this inferior feeling transports him to subspace. That is the main appeal of Humiliation Play.

The key to humiliation play between loving couples is that the humiliation must be within a sexual, D&S or FemDom setting. If a wife would verbally humiliate her husband within their everyday lives, chances are he will become either angry or hurt. The woman who calls her husband stupid or worthless outside of their D&S playtime is being mean-spirited and risks driving her husband emotionally away from her.

But the woman who verbally humiliates her husband within a sexual setting, might touch a chord within him that drives him to subspace and thus will cause him to bond with his wife emotionally. As with any D&S activity, the man must enjoy humiliation play on some level in order for it to be effective.

Humiliation play will not work on every man, as it will only be productive on those males that respond to such an expression of D&S. If a man were to become emotionally hurt or were to withdraw inwardly, those would be signals that the man is not responding to the humiliation.

But if the man were to become erect and excited while being humiliated, that is a sign that he finds this activity enjoyable.

I love my husband and I would never want to hurt his self-esteem but we do enjoy intense humiliation play. I am a master (or should I say Mistress) at verbal humiliation. I can reduce a man down to nothing in a matter of seconds. When I humiliate my husband about being an inferior male or about the inadequacy of his penis, I am attacking his male ego. I am wounding his male pride, which causes his submissive nature to come forth. This is much different than attacking his self worth. I never humiliate him about his physical looks or his career choice or his performance on a task that I have assigned. I find I can get my husband to perform better outside the bedroom by complimenting him and showing him genuine love, respect and affection. But inside the bedroom, that is a different story. I like to humiliate him about being of the male gender and thus inferior to me. My goal with humiliation play is to shatter his male ego and the best way I've found to do this, is to attack his manhood (especially the ultimate symbol of his manhood, the penis).

He gets excited about this kind of humiliation play and this transports him to subspace.