It had been six weeks after her last period when she’d finally acknowledged the familiar sensation in her abdomen, naming it in her own mind. Given how long it had been since Tom and she had last had sex, she knew the baby could only be Ivan’s. They had been using contraception, except that one time in Paris. The real shock came when she found a stain of blood in her knickers, and in the twenty-four hours while she waited for a hospital appointment, believing she’d lost the baby before she’d even been able to name its existence, she realised something she could never have believed – she really wanted this child.

It didn’t make sense, after everything she had done to avoid spending time with her children, to avoid at any cost the inevitable chaos that parenthood brought. Part of her wondered briefly whether this sudden, visceral longing was on behalf of Ivan, a wish to give him back the baby he had lost. But she was too selfish for that. Perhaps, she reasoned, it was an attempt at redemption, albeit a warped one. She had fucked everything up, and this was her chance to do it again and do it properly. Or maybe, it occurred to her, rather than simply taking over her body, this baby had stolen her mind, too. It wasn’t a rational decision, to keep it. It wasn’t a decision at all. She just knew she couldn’t get rid of it. She hadn’t told Ivan her news immediately, hugging the information to herself for a few weeks, adjusting to the momentous reality.

‘Say something,’ she pleaded once they had settled on the impossibly plush sofa in the living room, out of earshot of Polina, the housemaid he’d hastily introduced as they moved into the hallway.

He exhaled loudly, puffing out his cheeks. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say, I’m shocked.’

‘Well, you’re not the only one,’ she replied, folding her legs so that she was positioned away from him, the hurt of his reaction stinging her cheeks.

‘Hey,’ he leaned over and put his hand on her leg. ‘That doesn’t mean I’m not happy. I’m just … You know. I’m old. I wasn’t expecting— After …’

‘It’s OK,’ she said, understanding the complicated emotions that must have arisen as a consequence of his past experience. ‘I know. I’m old too. Well, older than I was,’ she said, flushing at her indiscretion. ‘I didn’t plan this.’

‘But you want it?’ he asked gently.

‘Yes,’ she said, surprised again by the certainty of her response. ‘Yes, I do.’

‘I don’t even know where you live,’ he said, with a look of bafflement.

‘I told you, it’s just a room I rent. I’m away so much for work. I suppose maybe I’m ashamed of it.’

He nodded, smiling finally. ‘A baby …’