Back The Woman in the Photograph
Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for the previous work of
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. 24 April 2018
  6. Part 1: Subject
  7. 15 June 1968
  8. 20 June 1968
  9. July 1968
  10. 2 February 2018
  11. Part 2: Light
  12. 20 November 1970
  13. 20 November 1970
  14. 21 November 1970
  15. November 1970
  16. 19 February 2018
  17. Part 3: Focus
  18. 15 April 1977
  19. 18 April 1977
  20. 15 May 1977
  21. July 1977
  22. 26 February 2018
  23. 8 March 2018
  24. 8 March 2018
  25. Part 4: Distance
  26. 15 May 1979
  27. 15 May 1979
  28. 16 May 1979
  29. June 1979
  30. 29 March 2018
  31. 29 March 2018
  32. 27 March 2018
  33. Part 5: Movement
  34. 18 October 1981
  35. 10 April 2018
  36. 18 October 1981
  37. 10 April 2018
  38. 18 October 1981
  39. 10 April 2018
  40. 18 October 1981
  41. 10 April 2018
  42. 10 April 2018
  43. 18 October 1981
  44. 10 April 2018
  45. October 1981
  46. Part 6: Exposure
  47. July 1984
  48. 5 September 1984
  49. 24 April 2018
  50. 25 April 2018
  51. Part 7: Developing
  52. 26 April 2018
  53. Vee, in the lost place, 1984
  54. 26 April 2018
  55. Epilogue
  56. 5 February 2019
  57. Author’s Note
  58. Acknowledgements
  59. Letter from Author
  60. Stephanie Butland’s Readers’ Club
  61. For your Reading Group
  62. For discussion
  63. Select bibliography
  64. About the author
  65. Also by Stephanie Butland

‘We’ll start with your 1968 Dagenham photograph, and then we’ll move through to the 1970 Miss World, then into the portraits, then Greenham,’ Erica says. ‘We’ll have a different configuration of walls than this current show’s, obviously, to demarcate the sections. And I’d like to have a single photograph to lead into each section, with text to contextualise, which I’m working on at the moment.’

Vee has never had a wall moved for her convenience. She’s always worked with what she can see.

‘I’ll be giving a whole section to the Greenham archive. I’m going to put the artefacts from your darkroom there, too.’

‘The darkroom . . .’ no, Vee cannot bring herself to say ‘artefacts’ ‘. . . kit is from when Leonie and I shared a flat. So it’s a good five years before the Greenham peace camp started. Most of those photographs would have been developed at labs. I didn’t have time to do much of my own developing by then.’

Erica nod-shrugs, stepping aside to let a group of chattering tourists pass. ‘We’ll date and label them correctly. And we’ll end with the photograph of Leonie.’

‘Must we? I mean . . .’ Vee knew this was coming, she’s not a fool, ‘I understand it needs to be there, somewhere. But at the end?’

‘Well,’ Erica says, and she presses her lips together, as Leonie used to when she was thinking, ‘if we’re being chronological, it’s the obvious thing to do.’ She turns away, walking to the other end of the gallery. Vee might own the photographs – it might be an honour for Erica to work with her – but there’s no question of who is in charge in this space. Well, Vee’s the one in charge of herself. She lets Erica walk away, and pretends to study the images on the wall, though she is thinking of her own work.

That final image of Leonie is another reason why this exhibition was a bad idea. Vee knew, even as she was typing the email to say she would go ahead, that she should just say no. And yet, she did it. She knows she has holes in her memory, and not just the usual spaces a woman of her age might expect. A surgeon carved years out of her brain when he took the tumour tissue back in 2007. She thinks sometimes that she has holes in her reasoning, too. No gaps in her feelings, though – oh, no. The lack of Leonie is raw, cut-flesh raw, whenever she comes up against it.