God that was such a fun night. You and me and Sheila and Greta, remember? You were so drunk that night! Greta got so mad at you! Remember? We were in the basement of Pi Kap. They were playing "Shout" just like in Animal House, and everyone was getting on the floor, for the "get a little bit softer now" part. You were totally making out with some random person in front of everyone. Greta was next to Carl, and she and him were totally connecting, in a quiet subdued way and then—it was so funny—you literally pushed her out of the way and made out with Carl too, and then lo and behold you two started dating! No, just joking. But yes! No! Yes! You totally have to remember! It was such a famous night. It's fine.

I mean you told me yourself over and over how much better you are for Carl because of how passive he is. How he is almost frightened by Greta's sort of dark sexuality, and her unsmiling exterior. Greta can be pretty unapproachable for that. She's aloof. Not, like, panting for approval. That's why she was always so weird around you and Carl. But of course you may still feel awkward around her. Just residual stuff from freshman year when you guys went to go see Henry and June and you pretty much locked her in your dorm room for the weekend, "experimenting!" Ha, ha! You were so intense! She was so not into it! You guys were so weird! Wow that was so long ago . . .

Narcissistic? Maybe, I mean in a way . . . yes I can see how you would think that. Intimidating? No, not really. Maybe if you have a low opinion of yourself. Greta just expects you to hold your own. She respects people who respect themselves.

By the way, have you even talked to Greta? No, I was just wondering. I mean I'm just wondering how you guys are with each other now. I mean all that is like ancient history, right? Right.

Just wondering.

Well anyway. Congratulations on your Folk and Myth degree. You concentrated on Florida Panhandle folklore, wow. I was so surprised you didn't get Honors since you tried so hard to be schmoozy with your advisor—I mean, I'm sure that's probably a good strategy. That's the way you get ahead in this dog-eat-dog world.

So what are you doing after college? Nothing yet, yeah. I know. It's hard to just dive into things and just shift gears. I'm not sure what I'm doing either. I know, it's so hard to choose the right path for you. It's like one false move and you may lead an entirely different life full of flaws and mishaps. Huh. Wouldn't it be great if there was, like, a pill that helped you chill out and make decisions? I know you would totally love that, right? Ha!