BooksBarbecue
Back The Underminer Save as PDF
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover Page
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Table of Contents
  5. Bright Young Things campus of Clarkwell College, graduation in the town of Clarksville, somewhere upstate, 1990
  6. Cool Days open mike night at Kafka-fe, after band "2 Much" plays, 1991
  7. New on the Scene utside in front of Club Hush, for a film screening party of Kill Fee, 1993 o
  8. Single in the City at a French bistro, 1995
  9. Hangover brunch, the morning after, 1995
  10. Natural Health a chance meeting at Jasper’s Yoga Studio, 1996
  11. The Fat Flush ’90s in the foyer of a friend’s renovated brownstone, 1997
  12. Art Stars at Bonwyck Gallery, 1998
  13. Inner Odyssey the Burning Man festival in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, 1999
  14. Life After Death facedown in the dirt of the desert, next morning, 1999
  15. Loyal Companions catching up at the dog run, 2000 catching up at the dog run, 2000
  16. In the Real World a run-in at the ShopShape magazine launch party sponsored by Senor Strawberry Liqueur, early 2001
  17. Wartime spotted at Kinko's, late 2001
  18. Office Job in the cafeteria of the Conde Nast building, 2003
  19. Settling a yard sale on an obscure block in the outer borough, 2003
  20. Starting Over in a remote village tavern on the farmlands of New Zealand, 2004
  21. Epilogue a gathering of friends

Anyways, I was unwittingly dragged into this underworld and shown things about Afghanistan and the lives of Afghans that few people have seen before. So. All my notes are being translated (I sometimes write in Arabic) into a new book! It's weird when you are one of a handful of people in our culture to experience what Bertrand calls "The Other Side of the Paradigm." To think people were here just reading Vanity Fair and everything went on just as superficially because no one had the courage to make a difference.

Oh wow I see you're putting your resume on blue paper, with a Helvetica font! Wow, how nontraditional. Personally I would go for something more readable and conservative like a clean Times Roman font, but that's just me. You are always pushing the envelope, so to speak. And it's great. People need to see that kind of resume every now and then.

Are you printing from here? Ooh. I hope you have a firewall on your computer. Or basically you are a raw, red open wound for all sorts of computer viruses. This place is like a public rest room of worms and computer bacteria. And I SERIOUSLY hope you backed everything up!

So I'm just here getting my manuscript copied for backup, because the original is going to Vassar—they're acquiring my old manuscripts and those Polaroids I took on the Fuller. I said I'd Xerox it myself because I don't like special favors. Like I still ride the subway.

And whatever about the Pulitzer. I'd really rather not think about it. It's weird how tan you look. Did you go to like a tanning salon? No?

Sooo, anyway. Are you traveling at all? You went to Boston, good for you! And you are going to Miami! That's OK! Did you get a cool place? Right. Right. Good old simple easy Miami. Sigh. I miss those simpler days of mine. I just worry about you there, since so many people don't really go there anymore.

Oh wait. I get it. Did you put on a lot of self-tanner? Is that why your color is so different? No, it looks good. It's a little speckled on your face but in a natural way.

Have you seen Sebastian here yet? I was supposed to meet him. Sebastian? You know, the celebrated adventurer-author with burning blue eyes and a hot naturally toned body. I met him in Jalalabad with Bertrand and Bikna. Bikna was my translator. She is a self-sacrificing Afghani woman and she brought me through Kabul. She was such a beautiful, humble, truthful woman. She wears cotton and rough silk, and sometimes a headscarf.