BooksBarbecue
Back The Underminer
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover Page
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright
  4. Table of Contents
  5. Bright Young Things campus of Clarkwell College, graduation in the town of Clarksville, somewhere upstate, 1990
  6. Cool Days open mike night at Kafka-fe, after band "2 Much" plays, 1991
  7. New on the Scene utside in front of Club Hush, for a film screening party of Kill Fee, 1993 o
  8. Single in the City at a French bistro, 1995
  9. Hangover brunch, the morning after, 1995
  10. Natural Health a chance meeting at Jasper’s Yoga Studio, 1996
  11. The Fat Flush ’90s in the foyer of a friend’s renovated brownstone, 1997
  12. Art Stars at Bonwyck Gallery, 1998
  13. Inner Odyssey the Burning Man festival in Nevada’s Black Rock Desert, 1999
  14. Life After Death facedown in the dirt of the desert, next morning, 1999
  15. Loyal Companions catching up at the dog run, 2000 catching up at the dog run, 2000
  16. In the Real World a run-in at the ShopShape magazine launch party sponsored by Senor Strawberry Liqueur, early 2001
  17. Wartime spotted at Kinko's, late 2001
  18. Office Job in the cafeteria of the Conde Nast building, 2003
  19. Settling a yard sale on an obscure block in the outer borough, 2003
  20. Starting Over in a remote village tavern on the farmlands of New Zealand, 2004
  21. Epilogue a gathering of friends

You're looking for a place? Well, good luck. God, it's so hard to find a good place right now. Don't wish I were you! This guy called me and begged me to take his beautiful four-thousand-square-foot loft space. It's three hundred dollars but actually he's paying me to live there forever. It's called an "infinity lease."

So what is up with you?

I think your body looks good, it's normal. It's a normal body. People get too hung up on thinness. You're more like a typical American.

But I know, like, when you are single, which you are, you can just get so self-critical. It's just so hard to find someone worthwhile. I count myself lucky that I found Nicholas. I could not even face the world if I didn't have someone by my side. I know you are sad about it, but it's cool to be single in some respects. Not having someone in your bed every night. The freedom you must have to wake up and go to the bathroom and drink alcohol by yourself. I always think of you as my simply single friend.

No of course you have had your relationships. With Carl, and others that were relationships to you like with that TA at Clarkwell and stuff. But blah blah, you should be proud of yourself! You are single!

Oh that's weird, because I just ran into Carl. Carl and I just had a really, really, REALLY good time talking . . . Yeah, he lives here now. I'm surprised you haven't run into him. You know, when you and Carl were going out, I never really understood why you liked him, but now I totally do! He is so funny and smart! I guess I mistook his initial shyness for being an asshole or just lazy.

No, he looks really good. He's good, he's good. Got his degree in furniture making and has already wrangled all these celebrity clients. He's been working out, taking kung fu. His body looks AMAZING. Yeah, he said he hasn't talked to you. He seems like he's just moving forward. I mean, you guys broke up and he moved in with Greta and he's getting on with his life.

Oh . . . I'm sorry. Did you not want to hear news about them? No you just seemed so silent suddenly. I just don't want you to get all overcome like you did when you saw them together at Jacob Fountainhead's show last spring. Wow was that a dramatic time for everyone. No! I know you keep saying you're over it. That's so cool of you, the way you are so resilient. Anyway, they're fine, I guess.