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Back The Realistic Joneses Save as PDF
Chapters (19)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Dedication
  4. Acknowledgments
  5. Production History
  6. Characters
  7. Scene 1
  8. Scene 2
  9. Scene 3
  10. Scene 4
  11. Scene 5
  12. Scene 6
  13. Scene 7
  14. Scene 8
  15. Scene 9
  16. Scene 10
  17. Scene 11
  18. Scene 12
  19. About the Author

PONY (She whispers): Terror. (They both enjoy it and smile a little) Now, you do me. “Abandonment.”

JOHN: Okay, ready? (Brief pause) Actually, can I have a different one?

PONY: Loneliness?

JOHN: Yeah, that’s a good one. (He whispers) Loneliness. (Very brief pause. He whispers) Thank you for the candy. (Brief pause) Can I tell you something?

PONY: Do you have to?

JOHN: I guess not. But, I’ve sort of got this thing.

PONY: So? (Vulnerably, gravely, a little sadly) Don’t look at me.

JOHN: I like looking at you.

(Lights down.)

Scene 12

Scene 12

Jennifer and Bob’s porch. All four Joneses are there, or enter, and sit. John has a doggie bag from a restaurant.

JOHN: That was a good dinner.

PONY: You didn’t eat anything.

JENNIFER: I’m glad you could join us.

BOB: Did we use the whole coupon?

JENNIFER: It was a gift certificate.

BOB: I don’t care what the word is.

JENNIFER: Okay. (Brief pause. To Pony) You all right?

PONY: God, I don’t know. I’ve never seen anyone die. You know, I saw him once, at the post office.

JENNIFER: Poor Elliot.

PONY: It was so much worse than television. All the forks and plates and everything all over the floor. (To John) You got white as a sheet.

BOB: Elliot Koford. That was his full name.

JENNIFER: How do you know that?

BOB: We talked.

JENNIFER: I was really surprised, seeing him at the restaurant, just seeing him out, at all. I thought he was at home. I think they were having a special night. Does anyone want a drink? (To John, who’s staring off) John?

JOHN (Brief pause): Sorry— what? No. I was just thinking.

JENNIFER: About what?

BOB: Thinking. Normal people just sitting and thinking. This is where the magic happens.

JENNIFER: Yeah?

BOB: You know, I’m sorry about— now, wait, who am I talking to, here? (To John and Pony) That’s right—you two. And, Jennifer. Sorry about all the, just, all the different feelings.

JENNIFER: “Sorry about all the different feelings”?

BOB: Didn’t come out right. I just mean it as a blanket apology.

JENNIFER: You know that’s not a good thing? A blanket apology? When people say that, it’s usually a criticism of the apology.

BOB: Well, there it is, though. It comes from the heart.

JENNIFER (To Pony and John): I gave him two of something he normally only takes one of.

BOB: I supported the idea.

JENNIFER: Just to take the edge off.

BOB: Jennifer felt there was an edge. And I agreed.

JOHN: Apology accepted. In a blanket sort of way.

PONY: “Blankie.” Remember? (Very brief pause) John was yelling for his blankie in his sleep, the other night.

JENNIFER: You were?

JOHN: How would I know, I was asleep.

BOB: “Blankie.”

PONY (Brief pause): So, what was all the blood?