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Back The Realistic Joneses Save as PDF
Chapters (19)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Dedication
  4. Acknowledgments
  5. Production History
  6. Characters
  7. Scene 1
  8. Scene 2
  9. Scene 3
  10. Scene 4
  11. Scene 5
  12. Scene 6
  13. Scene 7
  14. Scene 8
  15. Scene 9
  16. Scene 10
  17. Scene 11
  18. Scene 12
  19. About the Author

JOHN: Nothing, it’s a totally made-up word. Do you know what an aneurysm is?

BOB: Yeah, of course, that’s when your blood vessels—

JOHN (Interrupting): It’s another totally made-up word.

BOB: Okay, I get it. A lot of words are made up. (Very brief pause) My back is killing me. I used to play football.

JOHN: Try to focus here, okay.

BOB: I am. I wanted to tell you about how I played football. I wanted to focus on that.

JOHN: Were you trying to look into my house?

BOB: No.

JOHN: It’s all right. Just wondering. I’m a curious person, by nature. Up to a point, that is, and then I usually completely check out.

BOB: I do that.

JOHN: But I bet you sulk, too. Which is kind of beautiful, sulking. It’s very pure, very real. I don’t really sulk. I check out. It’s been described as breathtaking.

BOB: I think Jennifer thinks I have trouble checking in. (They both share a little laugh) Just a couple of guys.

JOHN: A canopy of stars.

BOB (Very brief pause): A couple guys.

JOHN: Be nice to Pony, okay?

BOB: What do you mean?

JOHN: It’s the simplest thing I’ve said all night.

BOB: Yeah, okay.

JOHN: Be nice to Jennifer, too, now that I’m telling you what to do. (Shakes his head; subtly) Men. You don’t really hear men saying that, you know? Shaking their heads, and saying, “Men.” But it’s true.

BOB: Men.

JOHN: What position did you play? Do you ever cry?

BOB: It was high school, so everybody played different positions. Fullback. Some defense. I don’t really cry.

JOHN: Tell Pony you’re old-fashioned. Pretend life is good. She’ll like that.

BOB: I think life is good. Why are you telling me to do that?

JOHN: I have a plan. Actually, that doesn’t really sound like me. (Brief pause. Quietly) Fuck.

BOB: What?

JOHN: I just swear, sometimes. And this is giving me a migraine.

BOB: What is?

JOHN: Just, the whole package.

BOB: I should head back.

JOHN: Yeah, get off my stupid rented property. It was great broaching the old questions with you.

BOB: It was. I’ll see you, John.

JOHN: Later. (Turns to head inside) Oh, hey, Bob? (Very brief pause) Pretend I said something really sweet, okay? Like, some gentle, little, good-night sort of thing.

BOB: Okay. (Brief pause) Thanks.

JOHN: Sure.

(Bob exits. John goes inside.)

Scene 9

Scene 9

Night. Pony and John’s kitchen. Pony is seated at the table. She stands, and absentmindedly picks at the edge of the table or the fringe of the table cloth.