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Back The Realistic Joneses Save as PDF
Chapters (19)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Dedication
  4. Acknowledgments
  5. Production History
  6. Characters
  7. Scene 1
  8. Scene 2
  9. Scene 3
  10. Scene 4
  11. Scene 5
  12. Scene 6
  13. Scene 7
  14. Scene 8
  15. Scene 9
  16. Scene 10
  17. Scene 11
  18. Scene 12
  19. About the Author

JOHN: It’s sad, isn’t it. His little eyes, and the little paws. Running around, collecting acorns. “I’m a squirrel, I’m a squirrel.” I’d love to say something in Latin, right now. (To Bob) You know what I mean, big guy?

BOB: I don’t.

JOHN (To Pony): All right, beautiful. Let’s go back to the new place.

PONY (Remembering and brightening, a little): “The new place.” I like that. Bye.

(Pony and John exit, muffled conversation.)

JENNIFER: Bye. Oh, we never had the wine. Thank you. (Long pause) Well, wow . . . (Brief pause) They were certainly . . . did you like them? (Bob nods, noncommittally) They seem nice.

BOB: She seemed to like the yard. (Brief pause) Look how much I’m shaking.

JENNIFER: I don’t see any . . . is it doing it?

BOB: No, it stopped. (He stands and moves to the door)

JENNIFER: It was nice watching you with people.

BOB: I wasn’t any different. Are you coming in?

JENNIFER: Do you want me to? (Brief pause) I’m just going to sit here and listen for a while.

BOB: All right. (Very brief pause. Standing in the doorway, behind the screen door) It was nice watching you with people, too. You have a pretty smile.

JENNIFER: Oh, Bob. Just when I think you’re not going to—

(We see Bob flick a switch as he exits the doorway. All light goes to black.)

Scene 2

Scene 2

Grocery store. John is eating some free cracker samples at a card table at the end of an aisle. Grocery store Muzak is playing. Jennifer enters with a purse and a plastic drugstore bag.

JOHN: Well, hey, if it isn’t you.

JENNIFER: No, it is. Hi.

JOHN: I’m just saying, you know, what if it wasn’t?

JENNIFER: Okay. John, right?

JOHN: Yeah. I supposedly had some work here, working on a freezer.

JENNIFER: But you don’t?

JOHN: I guess they already got it fixed. They only called about it yesterday or the day before.

JENNIFER: Well, it’s a freezer.

JOHN: Yes, it is. I messed up. Pony’s coming to get me, later. This took a lot less time than I had originally estimated.

JENNIFER: What did, doing nothing?

JOHN: Yeah. Wait, I love this part. (He points toward the source of the Muzak, and they listen for a second) That wasn’t it, actually. So, what are you doing?

JENNIFER: Just errands. I had to pick up some stuff for Bob. I think I told you guys about his—yeah, I told you.

JOHN: You did, yeah. (He sits on the edge of the wobbly card table)

JENNIFER: Is that a good place to sit?

JOHN: Totally.

JENNIFER: Okay. Well, I have to get some things here.

JOHN: What do you have to get?

JENNIFER: Groceries.

JOHN: Oh my God, I love groceries. (Standing, referring to the card table) Actually, you’re right, this is really wobbly.