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Back The Realistic Joneses Save as PDF
Chapters (19)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Dedication
  4. Acknowledgments
  5. Production History
  6. Characters
  7. Scene 1
  8. Scene 2
  9. Scene 3
  10. Scene 4
  11. Scene 5
  12. Scene 6
  13. Scene 7
  14. Scene 8
  15. Scene 9
  16. Scene 10
  17. Scene 11
  18. Scene 12
  19. About the Author

JENNIFER: He’s in a wheelchair and he’s always asking what just happened. He’s always saying, “Did something just happen?” Today, I was thinking, “Is that Bob, tomorrow? Bob, next year?” I don’t know how everybody does this.

JOHN: Yeah.

JENNIFER (Brief pause): I studied Italian in school.

JOHN: Say something Italian.

JENNIFER: You have to speak it all the time.

JOHN: Yeah. (He gently grasps her arm, at the bicep)

JENNIFER: What are you doing?

JOHN: I don’t know. Reaching out.

JENNIFER: Why?

JOHN: Because. And because you have pretty eyes. They’re sad, but they’re pretty.

JENNIFER: Well, that’s very— I actually need glasses to read.

JOHN: Interesting.

JENNIFER: Is this what you do, comment on women?

JOHN: It’s one of my things.

JENNIFER: I’m married.

JOHN: Who isn’t.

JENNIFER: I don’t know why I’m still standing here.

JOHN: Me neither. This might not be what it seems like.

JENNIFER: So, is this, are you making fun of me?

JOHN: No. (He gently lets go of her arm) I just was, you know, holding on to you.

JENNIFER: This isn’t a good day, okay?

JOHN: No, of course not.

JENNIFER: I’m sure I just look like a person in a store.

JOHN: You don’t look like a person in a store.

JENNIFER: I really try. With Bob. To just be there.

JOHN: Yeah. (Brief pause. With understanding) It’s not the greatest name, is it.

JENNIFER: Which? Bob? You’re criticizing my husband’s name?

JOHN: Someone had to.

JENNIFER: I’m not sure that’s true. I always liked it.

JOHN: Okay.

JENNIFER: I did. “Bob.” It’s easy to remember. I think dyslexics find it comforting. (Brief pause) Do my eyes really look sad?

JOHN: No. A little. (Very brief pause) Don’t say anything to Pony, okay?

JENNIFER: About what?

JOHN: Maybe, to be safe, about anything. Just never say a single word to her, about any topic.

JENNIFER (They share a tiny smile): Okay.

JOHN: Thanks.

JENNIFER (Very brief pause): I love my husband.

JOHN: Oh my God, who doesn’t? Listen, I should get out front, but, here’s a little haiku:

The frog is dark green.

He is breathing like crazy.

It’s starting to snow.

JENNIFER (Brief pause): I don’t know if a haiku is the best way to end a conversation.

JOHN: No, I’m sure it isn’t. But, hey, I’ll see you later.

(Lights down.)

Scene 3

Scene 3

Daytime. Pony and John’s kitchen. John is sitting, re-wiring a lamp. A small pile of magazines and pamphlets sits near him on the floor. There’s no kitchen table. Pony is in workout clothing.

PONY: I’m home!

JOHN: Me too. (Referring to the lamp) Can you believe someone threw this out?

PONY: Does it work?

JOHN: No.

PONY: Then, yes. We need to get a table.

JOHN (Distracted): That, I’ll admit.