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Back The Realistic Joneses Save as PDF
Chapters (19)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Dedication
  4. Acknowledgments
  5. Production History
  6. Characters
  7. Scene 1
  8. Scene 2
  9. Scene 3
  10. Scene 4
  11. Scene 5
  12. Scene 6
  13. Scene 7
  14. Scene 8
  15. Scene 9
  16. Scene 10
  17. Scene 11
  18. Scene 12
  19. About the Author

JENNIFER: No, you weren’t. Whatever you were doing. I am so tired of you, I’m so tired of men making speeches and mistakes and being sick and being afraid.

BOB: I know.

JENNIFER: You hurt my feelings. You hurt my feelings every day.

BOB: That’s what feelings are for.

JENNIFER: What?

BOB: I don’t know.

JENNIFER: No, you don’t. That’s exactly it. You do not know, Bob.

BOB: I’m sorry. Real life, to me, it’s just sitting here, thinking about some dumb thing or when I was a kid.

JENNIFER: That’s not real life.

BOB: Well, we’re different.

JENNIFER: Yeah? You’d be surprised. Surprise surprise, Bob—something that happens to everyone is happening to you. Get used to it. Be a man. Be a woman, even better. Just stop being a spoiled little angry little teenager.

BOB: You don’t have to yell.

JENNIFER: Yes, I fucking do. And I’m not yelling, anyway. I am a person in the world, around you. Do you understand that?

BOB: Yes.

JENNIFER: Do you?

BOB: I’m not a little kid.

JENNIFER: No? How so?

BOB (Brief pause. Vulnerably): I’m tall. I’m taller than little kids are.

JENNIFER: Yes, you are.

BOB: I’m sorry. I’m scared.

JENNIFER: I know. It’s scary.

BOB: I don’t know what’s going to happen. I never know what’s happening.

JENNIFER: Well, welcome to— God, I was about to say “the jungle.” But, just, I know. It’s scary. I think the same things. And I don’t know the same things.

BOB: I want to be better.

JENNIFER: We all do. What do you want me to do? Come over and muss up your hair?

BOB: When I was little, I thought I was going to be a good person. Every kid I ever tackled in football, I’d whisper to him, “Are you okay?” when we were getting up.

JENNIFER: Well, that’s fine. I’m sure we were all very nice children.

BOB: Every kid. I was in this group that, we used to go sing at hospitals. I liked it and then I couldn’t go anymore because I couldn’t keep looking at everyone.

JENNIFER: Oh, Bob. You need to drink water.

BOB: No, I don’t.

(Lights down.)

Scene 11

Scene 11

Evening. Outside Pony and John’s house. John is staring at the sky.

PONY (Enters): Hey. What are you doing out here?

JOHN: I was trying to bend a spoon with my mind.

PONY: Let me see. Where’s the spoon?

JOHN: Well, that was the other problem.

PONY: I got you some candy.

JOHN: I love these ones. (He eats a piece) Did you get all signed up?

PONY: Yeah. It’s getting cooler.

JOHN: It is.

PONY: You know what’s weird and scary?

JOHN: I do, but it’s always good to hear it again.