‘Jesus, Rachel.’ Matt is rigid with shock, and then he gives himself a shake, pulls me in close and hugs me tightly. ‘I can’t believe what you’re telling me.’ He’s still hugging me, but I can’t quite relax into his arms. I’m stiff and unyielding, unable to move, so he relinquishes his hold, letting me go, so that we’re sitting awkwardly beside one another.

‘What happened, Rach? I mean, how did it happen?’

I can’t look him in the eye, too afraid to see the pity there. I know I’m going to have to elaborate, but I’m afraid to relive it so I talk quickly without emotion, simply relaying the facts. ‘Her name was Holly. She was almost three years old. I was at the mall with a friend – Christina. Holly was in the play area while Christina and I were chatting next to her with a coffee. Jess was in her pram by my side. We’d only been there five minutes or so. I was checking on Holly periodically, looking up to see if she was okay. But then, the next time I looked, I couldn’t see her. I assumed she’d gone back inside the playhouse, but when I went over to have a proper look, she wasn’t there. She wasn’t anywhere.’

Matt looks like he’s about to cry. The only time I’ve seen him so full of emotion was when Charlie was born. He manages to choke out a reply. ‘This is… I can’t believe it.’

‘I know. I’m a horrible person. I lost my daughter.’

‘That’s not what I meant!’ Matt takes my limp hands in his once again. ‘I meant, that’s a terrible thing you’ve been through. A horrific thing. The worst. In no way do I think you’re a horrible person. And you shouldn’t think that either.’

‘You don’t have to try to make me feel better about myself,’ I say flatly, knowing that he’s only trying to be sympathetic. But I don’t want to accept his sympathy. I don’t deserve it.

‘I’m not trying to do that. I’m just trying to…’ He runs a hand through his hair, gets to his feet, paces a little way and then sits back down. ‘I don’t know. What can I do? What can I say? Rach, I’m so sorry you went through that. Why didn’t you tell me? I’m here for you whenever you want to talk about this. Whatever you need. I still can’t believe it.’