I swallow and rub the back of my neck, feeling the kinks and knots beneath the skin. So many conflicting thoughts swim through my head. It’s not that I don’t think Matt will handle it well – he’ll be shocked and sympathetic – but he won’t be able to help wondering why I kept such a big thing from him. Why I didn’t trust him enough with it in the first place. But it wasn’t about trust; it was about me not wanting to think about it or talk about it. Not wanting to unearth the pain. I’m not sure how to continue. The silence grows until Matt finally breaks it.

‘Are you going to tell me what this is about?’ His face is serious now, his blue eyes darker somehow.

‘Remember how screwed-up I was, the day we first met?’

‘I wouldn’t say you were screwed-up. Upset, maybe.’

‘Be honest; I was screwed-up.’

‘Your ex had walked out on you. He’d left you alone with no money and a young child. It’s no wonder you were upset.’

‘The thing is, when I told you about my life, I missed out a bit. The main bit.’ My voice doesn’t sound as though it belongs to me. I can’t believe I’m about to verbalise what happened to me all those years ago. I don’t know if I can do this.

‘You’re scaring me, Rachel. What did you miss out?’

There’s a whooshing sound in my ears. Why did I think this was a good idea? I run my fingertips back and forth along the gold velvet sofa, watching the colour change from light to dark, like a wheat field on a windy day.

‘Can you just tell me what it is?’ Matt presses.

‘Okay, but can you hold my hand first?’

Matt takes one of my hands in both of his. ‘You’re freezing!’ He starts rubbing my hand, breathing his warm breath onto my icy skin.

His touch gives me the courage to continue. As I speak, instead of looking at his expression, I gaze at his large, rough hands, so gentle and tender. ‘Before I met you, something terrible happened.’ I break off. Clear my throat. ‘Before I met you, I had another daughter.’

Matt drops my hand.

I look up at him. His skin is pale. His mouth has fallen open. He shuts it abruptly and swallows. ‘You had another daughter… you mean…’

‘She was abducted from a shopping centre nine years ago. I never saw her again.’