Somehow, I never got around to telling him about my other daughter, Holly. I don’t know why. Maybe because I wanted to put it behind me. Not to forget her – never that. But simply to try to live a life that wasn’t clouded in grief and uncertainty. I didn’t want anyone’s pity. I just wanted to remember my daughter in my own way, and to have some new-found happiness with my beautiful little family. Consequently, as far as any of my friends are concerned, I only have Jess and Charlie. None of them know about Holly. Sometimes I feel disloyal – not talking about her. Not having her photos on the wall. But I’ve learned to live with my new reality. It’s like Holly and I existed in another lifetime. In a perfect, untouchable bubble.

But now… now grief and uncertainty are trying to claim me once again. The old feelings are resurfacing. And I have no idea what to do about it.

4

I kept a look-out for Kate this morning on the school run, but I didn’t spot either her or her white Fiat outside the gates. Then again, the kids and I were a little late getting in. And now I’m puffing my way down South Street, late for work, hot and sweaty despite the freezing December air. It’s been one of those mornings when everyone got out of bed on the wrong side. Charlie spilt milk and cereal down his last clean shirt, Jess couldn’t find one of her school shoes, and Matt was grumpy about the long day he had ahead of him. Meanwhile, I couldn’t concentrate on anything and ended up snapping at everybody. I’ll have to make it up to them this evening with some cupcakes from work.

Finally, I arrive at the café almost fifteen minutes late. But even the sight of its welcoming blue-and-white painted exterior doesn’t cheer me up; my heart sinks further to see the place is already half full. Dee spots me straight away, her ash-blonde bob swinging as she weaves her way through the tables. Worse than having a go at me, she merely hands me a couple of plates piled high with her famous full English breakfasts. ‘Table six,’ she says briskly, turning away.

‘I’m so sorry I’m—’

‘No time for any of that.’ She cuts me off. ‘Tables one and three are still waiting to have their orders taken. I’ve already had two walk-outs this morning because they had to wait too long.’