‘And you also need to tell the therapist what you just told me about thinking Bella might be your daughter.’

‘So they can talk me out of it, you mean?’

‘No. Well, not really. Just that they might be able to advise you better than I can. I’m no good at this stuff.’

‘No one is,’ I reply. ‘Especially not me. I feel like I’m going crazy with the need to know.’

Matt pulls me into his arms and kisses the top of my head. ‘I can’t imagine what you’ve suffered, Rachel. You know I’ll support you. We just need to be absolutely sure before we go accusing anyone.’

‘Thanks, Matt.’

‘I love you, Rach.’

‘Love you too.’

I only hope that this situation doesn’t test our love too much.

12

I stand on the wet pavement outside the brightly lit bathroom showroom, press the door buzzer and wait, hoping I don’t see anyone I know. I keep my head bowed and pray for him to buzz me in sooner rather than later. I’m here to see Robin Blake, the counsellor that Matt found for me. His rooms are in the centre of town above this bathroom showroom, but it’s early evening so at least town is relatively quiet – less chance of bumping into someone I know who might ask what I’m doing.

Robin doesn’t normally see people on a Sunday, but it turns out he’s actually someone Matt went to school with, and Matt made out that it was an emergency, so Robin made an exception. I told Matt he shouldn’t have done that. That the poor man should at least be allowed to have his weekends to himself, but Matt shrugged, saying my well-being was his priority and that Robin didn’t seem to mind.

It feels a little weird, coming to talk to my boyfriend’s school friend. But Matt assured me that everything I say to Robin will be in the strictest confidence. Of course, I told Matt that I wouldn’t be telling Robin anything I hadn’t already told Matt. But who knows how my first session will go? I’m not exactly optimistic. The last thing I feel like doing is opening up to a complete stranger. I’m amazed I managed to hold it together so well when I revealed my secret to Matt. Right now, I’m afraid of completely breaking down with this counsellor. And if that happens, how will I be able to function? How will I be able to do my job and look after my family?

‘Hello?’ A soft, well-spoken male voice comes through the intercom.

‘Hi. It’s Rachel Farnborough to see Robin Blake.’

‘Hi, Rachel. Come on up.’