I feel sorry for my boyfriend. I’ve dropped this bombshell on him and it’s so much to take in. He’s a sensitive person. A kind person. He’ll be feeling so bad for me. But right now, I can’t feel much at all. Just a strange heaviness. A feeling that mine and Matt’s relationship won’t be the same after this. I know he’ll say he doesn’t think I’m to blame, but surely a small part of him must be wondering what kind of mother I am to have let this happen to my child.

‘Rachel, are you okay? What can I do?’

‘Maybe turn the oven off. I can smell burning.’

‘What? Oh, yeah, of course, but you know that’s not what I meant. I meant what can I do to help? To make you feel better?’ He shakes his head. ‘I’ll just go and… I’ll turn the oven off then I’ll come straight back.’

I’m getting stupid thoughts in my head now, like Matt’s probably hungry and dying to eat the chilli nachos, but he knows it would be insensitive to bring up the subject of dinner at a time like this. Come to think of it, I’m hungry too. But how can either of us eat? I should have waited until after dinner to talk about this. I feel as if I’m losing my mind a little. Spinning out. It’s because I’ve kept all this suppressed for so many years. And now… after seeing Bella, it’s all racing to the surface once again.

Seconds later, Matt returns from the kitchen.

‘Are you hungry?’ I ask.

‘What? No.’

‘But you’ve been working all day.’

‘Rachel, I’m worried about you.’

‘I’ve lived with this for nine years. I’m okay. I mean, it’s not something you ever really get over, but I’m managing.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me about this before?’ He walks over to the French windows and stares out into the darkness. ‘I mean, we’ve been together for years. Why now?’

‘I don’t know why I never told you. I never told anyone round here. It was just a really hard thing to talk about. When I came to Wareham, it was nice that no one knew me as the woman whose daughter was abducted. I was just Rachel, Jess’s mum. A single mum. Divorced. But nothing out of the ordinary. Not a subject for gossip. I thought it would be easier if I simply started my life afresh.’