‘You said you were going through a rough patch back then. Could it have been him who took her?’ Matt’s voice takes on an intense quality. He has one of those brains that never lets anything go. He always has to find the answer to anything – puzzles, quizzes, TV mysteries. I hope he doesn’t want me to go over every single detail of what happened that day. I don’t think I’m up to it. Not right now.

‘It wasn’t Andy,’ I reply.

‘But how can you know for sure? Maybe he did it so he could get custody of her without going through the courts.’

‘The police checked him out. He had a watertight alibi. He was out of the country, working in Spain at the time.’

‘Maybe he got someone else to do the actual abducting.’

‘Matt, I can’t do this now.’

He raises his hands in surrender. ‘Of course you can’t. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I… I just want to try and make it right. Get her back for you. I don’t know what to do.’

‘There’s nothing for you to do, Matt. All you need to do is be here with me. Accept that I had this nightmarish thing happen to me, but that I’m still here. Still alive. I have you and Jess and Charlie. And I just have to pray that if she’s still… if she’s still alive, she’s happy.’

Matt nods, and I know what he’s thinking, because it’s what everyone thought when she first went missing. That the chances of Holly being alive are remote. And even if she is alive, the chances of her being happy are almost non-existent.

The smell of the chilli nachos is turning my stomach. My whole body feels like it doesn’t belong in my skin. I wish I hadn’t started talking about this. I knew it was a mistake.

‘Rach, are you okay?’ Matt comes back over to the sofa and sits next to me.

I shake my head and a hot tear splashes onto my cheek. He gathers me into his arms again and for now I’m happy to be comforted, letting my pain wash down my face and onto his sweatshirt, while he murmurs soothing words and strokes my hair.

7

‘Don’t run too far ahead!’ I call down the road to Charlie and Kieran, who are behaving like a couple of overexcited puppies, bounding through puddles and getting their uniforms wet and muddy. By contrast, Jess and Amy are lagging behind, arms linked, heads down, entranced by their phone screens. They shunned my offer of an umbrella, preferring to use their hoods to shelter from the drizzle. As arranged, I’ve picked up Kate’s two with mine, and Kate will be coming to our house once she’s collected Bella from school.

Bella.