I glanced her way but then looked back – and in that time he’d seen us. Rowan stared at me through narrowed eyes, as though he couldn’t place me. I wondered what it must be like to see me so far out of context. But it was clear when the realisation kicked in. He looked like something had physically stung him: his eyes spread wide; his forehead creased; his mouth parted as though he were about to speak across the ocean of bodies between us. He said something to the woman he was with – who was also looking our way – and then forced his way through dancing forms to close the distance. I spotted behind him that the woman’s eyes were still fixed. Are you expecting him to come back to you? I wondered, closely followed by, Do you even know who I am?

Fred eased away from me. ‘I shouldn’t be here for this.’

‘Wait.’ I grabbed her hand and tried to bring her back to me. ‘Why shouldn’t you?’

‘Edi—’ They both spoke at the same time, and it struck me how different my name sounded in each mouth. Fred smiled – an awkward nervous smile that I hadn’t seen on her before – and, I think, laughed, although the sound was hardly audible thanks to the soundtrack of Little Mix’s ‘Confetti’. Rowan only stood there.

‘I thought you weren’t out tonight,’ I shouted to him.

He raised an eyebrow in answer and looked between us. ‘Where’s the infamous Fred?’

She opened her mouth but I got there first: ‘Here.’

I’d never quite known what people meant when they said someone scowled at them. But when he looked back at me, looked me up and down, and then went back to his narrow-eyed stare, I thought, This must be it. He didn’t say anything, but when I opened my mouth to speak again, he silenced me with a shake of the head. He threw Fred the same up-and-down look he’d given me before he walked off – leaving the woman across the room alone with her cocktail. She bunched her arms into a shrug and turned her attention elsewhere. And that’s how much you matter to these women, I thought with my own shake of the head.

‘Hey …’ Fred rested a fingertip against my chin and pulled my face to her. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I am, actually.’ And I really meant it.

Chapter 36