I held her look for a second. I was sure something passed between us. Some older-woman wisdom, trickling down into the next generation about to make their mistakes. ‘I won’t.’ Rowan dropped hard in the seat next to me with a landing that made me jump. I added, ‘I promise,’ to Penny who nodded, before letting the men overtake the conversation.

‘Promise what?’ Rowan asked.

‘I was asking Edith whether she’s going to turn into one of these hideous brides that lets the wedding become her main focus in life.’ Her detached tone was back then, and I realised whatever intimacy we shared had been stashed away – for safekeeping, though, where no one could try to change what had been said.

I smiled. ‘And I promised that I won’t be that woman.’

Chapter 32

In the days after, I threw myself into work with a vigour I hadn’t felt for months. By Wednesday, I realised it was a coping mechanism. I used my mid-morning coffee break to try and consider what for: the new sexual experiences and the questions they were bringing about; the old relationship; the woman-to-woman advice from Penny that I’d carried like a small nugget of gold in the back pocket of my jeans in the days since we’d spoken. It could have been any number of things. Or a hideous mixture of them, I thought with a groan as I poured coffee, sipped two mouthfuls, then poured again to top up what was missing. I was looking out onto the city, like I might find answers written across massive Post-it Note displays in the windows of other high-rise buildings, when Diane caught my attention.

‘Everything okay, Edi?’

I turned. ‘Of course. I needed a screen break.’

‘Boy, you’re telling me. I feel like meetings make the world go round these days, but when you’re meeting people up and down the country …’

‘You’re not really meeting them, you’re Skyping them.’

She nodded. ‘Got it in one.’

Diane had always been a kind manager to work with – or rather, work for. As the company had expanded, we’d seen less and less of her. But she occasionally popped by the communal coffee station for no reason at all beyond the chance to rub elbows with one of us. I moved out of her way and gestured to the half-full pot. ‘Don’t let me bogart the caffeine.’

‘Actually, I was hoping to pin you down for a chat, if you’ve got time?’

Any distraction is a welcome one. ‘Absolutely. What can I do for you?’

‘Lucille, she … Actually, do you know Lucille?’

Only by reputation. I swallowed hard. Lucille was Diane’s boss, and she was known about the company for the best and worst reasons: dedicated, respected, terrifying. ‘I haven’t met her, no.’