He kissed my finger, then moved it away. ‘Look, maybe this is what we need, you know? Like, maybe in the future, distant future even, maybe when we’re grown-ups, we’ll drift back to each other and we’ll end up the kind of fine that our pa— no, sorry, your parents are.’ He laughed.

‘We are grown-ups,’ I said softly, as though maybe he hadn’t noticed, but he smiled.

‘I see.’ He stared at our fingers, that were just about still clutching, and he was quiet for what felt like an especially long time. ‘In which case …’ He caught my attention with a squeeze and then he gifted my hand back. ‘Someone should tell Monty, because that kid …’

I laughed. ‘He’s not so bad.’

Rowan stood. ‘Try living with him.’

I took it as my cue to leave and I stood too, but I felt the weight of the break-up in my belly. I’d been strong and clear and Lily-minded. But I reminded myself that familiar comforts were allowed, too. ‘If I hug you,’ I said, but didn’t look at him, ‘I’m hugging you as a friend. Is that entirely clear beca—’

He pulled me to him and squashed the rest of my sentence. ‘Edi Parcell, best friend of mine.’ He sounded as though he was talking through half-laughs, but I could feel the judder of tears in his chest. ‘Bloody love you.’

I squeezed back and pressed my reply into his shirt. ‘Bloody love you.’

Chapter 43

Fred opened the door with wet hair and a lazy smile. She leaned forward, kissed my cheek and took away the bunch of sunflowers that I’d held in front of my chest like protective gear for the entire walk to her apartment. This was all an extension of mine and Rowan’s break-up, one that I’d drafted and redrafted with the help of the girls – ‘Don’t be a dude about it, do you know what I mean?’ – although they hadn’t been altogether helpful when it came to breaking up with a woman – ‘See, when a man leaves me …’ – so in the end I’d called Fred, on a whim, and asked if I could drop round.

‘I’m about to jump in the shower,’ she’d said, ‘so give me twenty minutes?’

I’d used that time to write bullet points in the Notes app on my phone and buy flowers.

‘Flowers twice in as many weeks. What’s the occasion?’ She walked along the hallway, leaving me to close the door.

‘You are.’

‘Cute.’ When she turned around to look at me, the colours all connected. ‘These match!’