Back The Best of Simple
Chapters (76)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Foreword: Who Is Simple?
  5. Feet Live Their Own Life
  6. Landladies
  7. Simple Prays A Prayer
  8. Conversation on the Corner
  9. Simple on Indian Blood
  10. A Toast to Harlem
  11. Simple and His Sins
  12. Temptation
  13. Wooing the Muse
  14. Vacation
  15. Letting off Steam
  16. Jealousy
  17. Banquet in Honor
  18. A Veteran Falls
  19. High Bed
  20. Final Fear
  21. There Ought to be a Law
  22. Income Tax
  23. No Alternative
  24. Springtime
  25. Last Whipping
  26. Seeing Double
  27. Simple on Military Integration
  28. Blue Evening
  29. A Letter from Baltimore
  30. Seven Rings
  31. What Can a Man Say?
  32. Empty Room
  33. Picture for Her Dresser
  34. Cocktail Sip
  35. Apple Strudel
  36. Bop
  37. Formals and Funerals
  38. Fancy Free
  39. Midsummer Madness
  40. Morals Is Her Middle Name
  41. They Come and They Go
  42. A Million—and One
  43. Two Loving Arms
  44. All in the Family
  45. Kick for Punt
  46. Subway to Jamaica
  47. No Tea for the Fever
  48. Boys, Birds, and Bees
  49. On the Warpath
  50. A Hearty Amen
  51. Must Have a Seal
  52. Shadow of the Blues
  53. Once in a Wife-time
  54. Present for Joyce
  55. Christmas Song
  56. Tied in a Bow
  57. Sometimes I Wonder
  58. Four Rings
  59. Simply Love
  60. Bang-up Big End
  61. Duty Is Not Snooty
  62. Bones, Bombs, Chicken Necks
  63. A Dog Named Trilby
  64. Enter Cousin Minnie
  65. Radioactive Red Caps
  66. Two Sides Not Enough
  67. Puerto Ricans
  68. Minnie Again
  69. Vicious Circle
  70. Again Cousin Minnie
  71. Name in Print
  72. Minnie One More Time
  73. An Auto-Obituary
  74. Jazz, Jive, and Jam
  75. About the Author
  76. Newsletter Sign-up

“Do you hear that?” he asked. “It’s not about me, neither about you. All these plays, dramas, skits, sketches, and soap operas all day long and practically nothing about Negroes. You would think no Negroes lived in America except Amos and Andy. White folks have all kinds of plays on the radio about themselves, also on TV. But what have we got about us? Just now and then a song to sing. Am I right?”

“Just about right,” I said.

“Come on, let’s go take a walk.” He put on his shoes first, his pants, then his shirt. “Is it cool enough for a coat?”

“You’d better wear one,” I said. “It’s not summer yet, and evening’s coming on. You probably won’t get back until midnight.”

“Joyce is gone to a club meeting, so I won’t be going to see her,” he said. “She’s expecting her sister-members to elect her a delegate to the regional which meets in Boston sometime soon. If they don’t, she’ll be a disappointed soul. She used to skip meetings, but that regional is why she goes regular now. Let’s me and you stroll up Seventh Avenue to 145th, then curve toward Sugar Hill where the barmaids are beautiful and barflies are belles. I have not been on Sugar Hill in a coon’s age.”

It was dusk-dark when we reached the pavement. Taxis and pleasure cars sped by. The Avenue was alive with promenaders. On the way up the street we passed a photographer’s shop with a big sign glowing in the window:

HARLEM DE-LUXE PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO

IF YOU ARE NOT GOOD-LOOKING

WE WILL MAKE YOU SO

ENTER

“The last time I come by here,” said Simple, “before my lady friend started acting like an iceberg, Joyce told me, ‘Jess, why don’t you go in and get your picture posed? I always did want a nice photograph of you to set on my dresser.’

“I said, ‘Joyce, I don’t want to take no picture.’ But you know how womens is! So I went in.

“They got another big sign up on the wall inside that says:

RETOUCHING DONE

“‘I don’t want them to touch me, let alone retouch,’ I told Joyce.

“Joyce said, ‘Be sweet, please, I do not wish no evil-looking Negro on my dresser.’ So I submitted.

“Another sign states:

COLORED TO ORDER—EXPERT TINTING

“I asked, ‘Joyce, what color do you want me to be?’

“Joyce said, ‘A little lighter than natural. I will request the man how much he charges to make you chocolate.’

“About that time a long tall bushy-headed joker in a smock came dancing out of a booth and said, ‘Next.’

“That were me next. There was a kind of sick green light blazing inside the booth. That light not only hurt my eyes, but turned my stomach before I even set down.

“The man said, ‘Pay in advance.’