Back The Best of Simple
Chapters (76)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Foreword: Who Is Simple?
  5. Feet Live Their Own Life
  6. Landladies
  7. Simple Prays A Prayer
  8. Conversation on the Corner
  9. Simple on Indian Blood
  10. A Toast to Harlem
  11. Simple and His Sins
  12. Temptation
  13. Wooing the Muse
  14. Vacation
  15. Letting off Steam
  16. Jealousy
  17. Banquet in Honor
  18. A Veteran Falls
  19. High Bed
  20. Final Fear
  21. There Ought to be a Law
  22. Income Tax
  23. No Alternative
  24. Springtime
  25. Last Whipping
  26. Seeing Double
  27. Simple on Military Integration
  28. Blue Evening
  29. A Letter from Baltimore
  30. Seven Rings
  31. What Can a Man Say?
  32. Empty Room
  33. Picture for Her Dresser
  34. Cocktail Sip
  35. Apple Strudel
  36. Bop
  37. Formals and Funerals
  38. Fancy Free
  39. Midsummer Madness
  40. Morals Is Her Middle Name
  41. They Come and They Go
  42. A Million—and One
  43. Two Loving Arms
  44. All in the Family
  45. Kick for Punt
  46. Subway to Jamaica
  47. No Tea for the Fever
  48. Boys, Birds, and Bees
  49. On the Warpath
  50. A Hearty Amen
  51. Must Have a Seal
  52. Shadow of the Blues
  53. Once in a Wife-time
  54. Present for Joyce
  55. Christmas Song
  56. Tied in a Bow
  57. Sometimes I Wonder
  58. Four Rings
  59. Simply Love
  60. Bang-up Big End
  61. Duty Is Not Snooty
  62. Bones, Bombs, Chicken Necks
  63. A Dog Named Trilby
  64. Enter Cousin Minnie
  65. Radioactive Red Caps
  66. Two Sides Not Enough
  67. Puerto Ricans
  68. Minnie Again
  69. Vicious Circle
  70. Again Cousin Minnie
  71. Name in Print
  72. Minnie One More Time
  73. An Auto-Obituary
  74. Jazz, Jive, and Jam
  75. About the Author
  76. Newsletter Sign-up

“I will tell it to you like it was told to me,” said Simple. “You know Buddy’s brother is a taxicab driver, don’t you? Well, the other day he was telling me he was driving his cab downtown on Broadway last week when a white man hailed him, got in, and then said in one of them slow Dixie drawls, “Bouy, tek me ovah to Fefty-ninth Street and Fefth Avahnue.’

“Buddy’s brother told him, ‘I ain’t gonna take you nowhere. Get outta my cab—and quick!’

“The white man didn’t know what was the matter so he says, ‘Why?’

“Buddy’s brother said, ‘Because I don’t like Southerners, that’s why! You treated me so mean when I was in the army down South that I don’t never want to see none of you-all no more. And I sure don’t like to hear you talk. It goes all through me. I spent eighteen months in hell in Mississippi.’

“The white man got red in the face, also mad, and called a cop to make Buddy’s brother drive him where he wanted to go. The cop was one of New York’s finest, a great big Irishman. The copper listened to the man, then he listened to Buddy’s brother. Setting right there in his taxi at 48th and Broadway, Buddy’s brother told that cop all about Mississippi, how he was Jim Crowed on the train on the way down going to drill for Uncle Sam, how he was Jim Crowed in camp, also how whenever he had a furlough, him and his colored buddies had to wait and wait and WAIT at the camp gate for a bus to get to town because they filled the buses up with white soldiers and the colored soldiers just had to stand behind and wait. Sometimes on payday if there were a big crowd of white soldiers, the colored G.I.’s would never get to town at all.

“‘Officer, I’m telling you,’ Buddy’s brother said, ‘that Mississippi is something! Down South they don’t have no nice polices like you. Down South all them white cops want to do is beat a Negro’s head, cuss you, and call you names. They do not protect Americans if they are black. They lynched a man five miles down the road from our camp one night and left him hanging there for three days as a warning, so they said, to us Northern Negroes to know how to act in the South, particularly if from New York.’

“Meanwhile the Southern white man who was trying to get the cop to make Buddy’s brother drive him over to Fifth Avenue was getting redder and redder. He said, ‘You New York Negras need to learn how to act.’

“‘Shut up!’ says the cop. ‘This man is talking.’