‘Let’s just forget about it,’ said Josh, swinging Nancy above his head. ‘Your daddy’s the one who needs a drink,’ he said. She giggled at him, gleefully reaching her pudgy hands for his hair. ‘Yes, he does!’

And I needed to step out of the toxic circle. Without even thinking about the irony, I crossed to the fridge, poured a glass of Chablis from the open bottle in the door and served my brother and his wife like I was their butler.

Mum’s cool gaze tracked me throughout. She didn’t utter a word.

I chewed my lamb again and again, trying to force myself to swallow. By now the practicalities of Christmas were under the microscope.

‘Just don’t get them too much, Lily, honestly,’ Chloe was saying. ‘You’re always so generous…’

‘We’re just thrilled you’re with us this year,’ Mum was saying. It was always a passive-aggressive fight to the death with Chloe’s parents for who got the precious gift of the grandchildren. ‘Come on Christmas Eve if you like. I’m hoping the girls will.’

Christmas was less than a month away now and my dread was starting to feel more like a tsunami than a lapping tide.

‘Yeah, Toby’s parents are going away this year, so I don’t see why not,’ said Sophie cheerfully. ‘Are you up for it, Rachel?’

How could she be so oblivious to how hard it was for me?

‘Um, I don’t know yet. I’m just working out my schedule at the moment.’

My family looked at me with pity in their eyes, a collective thought bubble floating above the table wondering what a single woman of my age could possibly have to ‘schedule’. Amber’s words roared up inside me. They didn’t own me, and they didn’t own Christmas.

‘I might actually be away for it,’ I added airily.

‘But, darling, it’s Christmas!’ said Mum. ‘And you’re meant to be saving money, don’t forget.’

‘You still paying interest on your credit cards?’ said Dad, stabbing at his meat. ‘It’s a crime if you are.’

The fact that they were still paying the bill for Amber and the subsequent prying rights it seemed to give them over my finances was truly infuriating. And it was true that my credit cards had hit dizzying new heights, as I treated myself to massages and green juices to try to soothe myself in new, virtuous ways between our precious sessions. I felt so raw these days – my skin flayed, my energy wide open. Being honest about how bad it had been was making me feel worse than ever, but I trusted Amber when she promised me it was a profound emotional detox that I’d emerge from with new strength.

‘I’ll keep you posted once my plans firm up,’ I said, inwardly revelling in their irritation.