‘Yes, please,’ I said. It blindsided me, how much it sounded like a plea. I glanced down at my watch: the session had slipped by so quickly. A strange desperation overtook me, as if I was in the dark of a confessional box. ‘I didn’t tell you… I promised you I wouldn’t drink and… I meant it. But instead I got shit-faced on coke and champagne at Nancy’s christening. I fucked someone else’s husband in the toilets. I’m not…’ I hid my face from her all-seeing gaze, staring down at the polished wooden floorboards as I gabbled out my confession. ‘I’m sure Mum’s told you all of this anyway. Let’s both stop pretending I’m something I’m not.’ My face was wet, my hand grasping for my bag so I could make my escape. ‘Something better. Someone who’s actually a nice person.’

I ground to a halt, not ready to risk looking up. The atmosphere felt oddly, hypnotically calm. I let my eyes meet hers. She was staring at me as if I was some kind of fascinating, exotic wild animal.

‘Slow down,’ she said. ‘Take a big gulp of air.’

I looked at my watch again, pulled my bag onto my knees.

‘It’s twelve anyway,’ I said. ‘I should go.’

‘I’m not a big stickler for rules,’ she said. Wasn’t that the truth? But it would be a while before I found that out. ‘Feel your feet on the ground, breathe deeply into your belly.’

I felt my body still.

‘First of all, yes, your mum did mention there’d been some kind of incident, but I stopped her right there.’

I grinned with a triumphant kind of gratitude.

‘What – like attorney/client privilege?’

‘Something like that,’ she said, smiling back.

‘Thank you,’ I said, my breath coming less jagged now.

‘And if you want to share it – rewind it together – we can. But it’s your choice. This is your session. You’re in charge. I’m here to help you, not make you feel even shittier.’

It was so skillful, the way her casual swearing helped me forgive myself for all of my messy chaos. We’re all trying and failing, it seemed to imply. All a work in progress.

I gave her a garbled account: the humiliation of turning up alone among all of those polished couples, the first drink which morphed into the fifth, the chaotic public mess I’d become, scraped off the floor of a toilet by my horrified family. I almost uttered Esther’s name, but it stuck fast in my throat. She made me ashamed for all of us.

Amber was quiet at the end, almost pensive.

‘Perhaps it was too soon.’

‘Too soon?’