Josh spotted me the second I reached the churchyard. His smile was more appraising than warm as he strode over to kiss me hello. He’s tall and fair, and his well-cut suit emphasized the whole impressive package. In principle at least: to me he just looked like some kind of brutal AI who could turn on the human race at any moment. He leant down to brush his lips against my cheeks.

‘Well done. Twenty whole minutes to go.’

Tiny pinches, the kind that leave no bruises. My brother’s speciality.

‘What a beautiful church,’ I said. ‘Lucky Nancy.’

‘They don’t really notice though, do they?’ he said, as if I’d meant it literally. His sharp grey eyes didn’t leave my face. ‘How are you?’ he said. ‘We’ve been fretting about you.’

‘Yeah, no, I’m fine,’ I said, looking away and waving at Chloe. She was grappling with a squirming Nancy, their four-year-old twin sons squabbling around her feet in tiny, matching waistcoats which made them look like very expensive toys. ‘Looks like Chloe could do with some help.’

Mum and Dad both emerged from one of the chattering groups, the four of us converging on Chloe like a SWAT team. As Mum hugged me, I smelt the familiar and complicated cocktail of love and anxiety that was seeping out of her pores. I held on to her a second longer than I normally would have, a wave of guilt sweeping through me at the thought of how late and how messy my Friday night had really been. Dad’s greeting had less undercurrents to it: he didn’t want to have to worry about me unless he was forced to. He was much more willing to believe my bullshit, and the current narrative – sober, apologetic – suited him just fine.

Nancy had calmed in Chloe’s arms: there was something almost unbearably vulnerable about the pudgy outline of her upturned face.

‘Can I hold my goddaughter?’ I asked.

‘Seventeen minutes to go,’ said Josh, making a pantomime of looking at his large chrome watch. ‘You’re not there yet, Rach. Still time for us to reconsider.’

I ignored him, my arms outstretched, and soon felt the soft mush of Nancy’s body meld with my own. The truth was, my emotions had felt dangerously close to the surface ever since I’d seen Amber. When the baby emitted a piercing cry, it was almost a relief to break the moment of connection with her. It felt too intimate somehow.

‘Still in need of some practice!’ said Dad, as I swung Nancy’s wriggling body back to Chloe. ‘You’ll get the hang of it when you have to.’