‘It made me feel completely sick when he told me. Like I should’ve known.’ My voice was shaking. ‘I would never have done it if I’d known.’

‘There was no reason for you to know,’ she said. ‘It was none of your business.’

My own anger was flaring now. ‘Why did you even bring him on the retreat?’ I demanded.

‘I’m disgusted with him, but I also never would have predicted something like what happened between the two of you. I thought you were…’ She stopped. ‘I didn’t think you’d put yourself in harm’s way like that, after all the work we’ve done together.’

Why wouldn’t she take any responsibility for it? And what did ‘harm’s way’ even mean?

‘You shouldn’t have brought him, not without telling us who he was.’

Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. ‘Arthur is a colleague now, nothing more. It would have interfered with the healing journey for all of you if you’d known our history.’

It was dangerous, the way my fury was rising. ‘I feel like every time you say you’re protecting me, it’s to explain away a lie.’

Amber raised her palm up like a stop sign.

‘This is classic transference, Rachel. You lied, by omission, about Arthur, and now you’re struggling with the aftermath of your own dishonesty. The impact on our bond. So you’re twisting the story to make me – your protector – the liar.’ Her voice got softer. ‘I appreciate how frightening it is to need someone as much as you need me, but you trusting in our connection is the key to your healing.’

We sat there for a few seconds on our opposite sofas, staring at each other. Was I really going to risk pushing this?

‘I don’t know if I do trust you right now,’ I said, my voice hoarse.

‘What are you trying to express to me, Rachel?’

I was beyond her therapy-speak now, the way it drained meaning out of hard truths, all the while pretending it was digging deeper.

‘Did you know?’ I asked her. ‘Did you know that my parents had gone to the police?’

I saw it: a flicker before she recovered herself. I knew those tiny tells from Mum: Amber had got herself back under control, but I’d seen it. My stomach dropped away.

‘What?’ she said, feigning confusion. ‘I remember you mentioned something last session… something Sophie said? But there was so much more that we were dealing with that we never got time to unpack it.’

‘I don’t believe you,’ I said, some part of me still desperately hoping I was wrong. ‘You did know. I think you found out, and then you sent me to make a complaint of my own. It’s too much of a coincidence otherwise, us going two days apart.’