‘I’ve been thinking about what you said, about Esther.’ I was aware I was spitting out my words too fast to sound like I was wholly in control of myself. ‘What if Mum wants her where she can see her?’

‘What?’

‘What if Mum and Dad have an arrangement? She accepts he’s never going to be faithful, but at least she knows who it is. Maybe she’s got someone, too.’

‘Don’t be so ridiculous,’ snapped Sophie.

‘Is it? Do you think Dad’s faithful? Do you think they’re happy?’

Sophie reddened.

‘I don’t spend much time thinking about our parents’ sex life, to be honest.’

‘All the times he’d flirt with waitresses, or with our teachers at parents’ evenings. All those work trips that stretched into the weekend. It was just normal for us, wasn’t it?’

Sophie took a slug of her coffee, turning to look out of the window.

‘Dad’s Dad. He likes turning on the charm. It’s what makes him so good at his job.’

‘Keep telling yourself that, Sophie,’ I said. ‘Keep telling yourself it hasn’t affected us, how toxic an environment we grew up in. Just because it’s been our normal life doesn’t mean it’s normal.’

‘Me and Josh are fine,’ she retorted.

‘Josh’s marriage is a 1950s nightmare – I don’t know how she stands him. And…’ I stopped myself. ‘I hope you and Toby will be really happy.’ She was marrying her first proper boyfriend – chubby, unthreatening, slightly dull – the complete opposite of Dad.

‘Because you’re such a fucking expert!’ she said, standing up and slamming her mug into the sink.

I stood too, my whole body shaking.

‘Don’t do that,’ I said. ‘Please don’t do that. It hurts me how hard it’s been. I know you all pity me, or make a joke out of it, but what I saw – what I soaked up over all those years – it made it really difficult for me to trust in any man, in any relationship! And I hated myself, because I was the easiest person to hate. When you say pull yourself together, don’t you think I haven’t said that to myself a million times? And then I haven’t, and I’ve kept on racking up lines or having another fucking glass, because I’m so ashamed of how weak I am. But I couldn’t stop until I understood what really happened to us all. And if my family don’t want to admit the truth, then… then right now I can’t know my family.’

Sophie stared at me, her face frozen with sadness. ‘But you haven’t stopped, have you? I can tell.’

‘What? No! I haven’t drunk anything since October.’

‘I know you,’ she said simply.