I’d risked telling Duncan that I had a doctor’s appointment, and I didn’t have long before Mum and Dad would be out of that interview and straight on the phone. I half walked to the pathway and then turned back, for what must have been the third or fourth time. I pulled out the gum that I’d been chewing and balled it up in the silver foil it had come in, paranoid she’d be able to smell last night’s gin on my breath. I was drinking away Tim’s intervention, I knew that, but I couldn’t yet face engaging with why I was willing to risk everything to blot out his words. A woman who’d already passed me once, her black dachshund trotting next to her on its lead, threw me an odd look: to be fair, my manic pacing didn’t exactly suit the quiet gentility of the Chiswick street. It was now or never, and I knew I couldn’t bear never.

I marched up to the door, burying any emotion until my finger had pressed the bell. The ringing sound sent a reverberation of dread through my body.

‘Rachel!’ Sophie said, as the door swung wide. I could see from her expression that my carefully applied foundation and ironed work clothes weren’t fooling her for a second. ‘Come inside,’ she said, a quaver in her voice, standing back so that I could pass her. ‘I’ll make us some coffee.’

I sank gratefully onto one of the two padded benches that ran down the sides of her pine kitchen table. Their little flat was so cozy: evidence of their shared life was stuck to the fridge like a loving collage – a jumble of photos and optician’s letters and invitations to other people’s weddings. Just for a second, I let myself relax enough to feel the exhaustion. It made me long to curl up and sleep right there, like I was their child or their beloved pet.

Sophie came in after me, barely turning to look at me at first. Instead she methodically poured water from the filter into the kettle, reaching up into the cupboard for a packet of chocolate biscuits.

‘There we go,’ she said, with false brightness, depositing it all in the centre of the table.

‘Earth to Sophie…’ I said, waving a hand in her direction.

‘Don’t do that!’ she said, eyes narrowed with anger. ‘We’re not joking about any of this, Rachel.’

‘Is “we” you and Mum, or you and me?’ I said.

‘Just stop it, okay? I’m not playing that game with you anymore.’

I took a sip of my coffee, trying to ignore how fast my heart was beating. ‘It’s not a game anymore,’ I said quietly.