‘I remember I cried night after night after she left,’ breathed Sophie. ‘It was so sudden, wasn’t it? I was really pleased when she got back in touch all that time later.’

I allowed myself to feel some hope. Perhaps someone in my family could believe me – could understand how hard it was to keep hold of all of this and also stay part of them.

‘Yes, it was!’ I agreed.

‘But you can’t be sure, Rachel,’ she said. ‘You could have misread the situation. It’s not like they were… like you saw them.’ She flushed, the horror of the idea painted on her face.

‘Mum’s virtually admitted it to me!’ I said. ‘She almost said it last night, in fact.’

Sophie looked doubtful, like a doggedly honest juror who took ‘beyond reasonable doubt’ to the nth degree.

‘Really?’

‘Yes!’ I said, my voice so shrill that a nearby table swivelled their heads to look in our direction. I was desperate to win her back – too desperate. In retrospect, I can see what a fatal mistake that would prove to be. ‘Not in so many words, but yes.’

‘But, Rachel…’ said Sophie, struggling with something.

‘Just say it.’

‘I saw Esther. Today. She’s still working in Dad’s office. Mum was there – we both know what she’s like! There’s no way she’d let him have a mistress right under her nose. She’d – she’d cut his balls off.’ I could see from the way her face softened that the thought comforted her.

‘But…’

‘I’m not saying you’re wrong, but you must admit it’s possible she was telling the truth.’ Now it was her who reached across the table for my hand. ‘I couldn’t bear it if you cut yourself off because of some stupid misunderstanding. We know what she’s like – she could be an utter cow to me when I was a teenager too. It doesn’t mean Dad cheated with our nanny. It’s a big accusation.’

I snatched my hand away. I was struggling to compute everything at once – how painfully easy it was for my sister to dismiss me, and the fact that Esther’s cancerous presence was buried so deep in our family that it was still eating away at the flesh.

‘A misunderstanding?’ I exploded. ‘Is that what you think this is? Me and Mum having a misunderstanding? Jesus!’

‘Rachel…’

In my defence, I was splintering apart.