‘The thing is, I’ve protected you, Rachel. I know you don’t even understand it – and in a way I blame myself for being underhand…’ God, he sounded like Mum. I was like some kind of stealth missile, making people self-implode. I clenched my fists as tightly as I could, trying to force myself not to well up. ‘But I’ve always known how bright you were, ever since you joined the team. I’ve always wanted to keep you.’

‘I want you to keep me…’

How was this the straw that broke the camel’s back?

‘But your frequent absences, the lack of doctors’ notes – it’s been flagged by HR before. Lydia pushed me to give you a formal warning last September. And then you were hospitalized the next month.’ He stared at me intently now. ‘It’s not as if we haven’t privately asked questions about your… your lifestyle, Rachel.’

I smoothed down my shirt, tucked it into my waistband yet again.

‘Duncan, I haven’t had a drink since October.’ His face shifted. Too much truth. ‘I mean, it’s not like I ever had a problem,’ I added quickly, ‘but I’ve been on a serious lifestyle audit ever since I was hospitalized. I’ve tried to show you how committed I am.’

Duncan nodded.

‘And your mother explained very clearly about the gastroenteritis.’ She saved me. He would have been no match for that smooth patter of hers: my mum could rent a flea pit in Acton for double its value without breaking a sweat. ‘And after a few weeks, you’re right. You did seem quite transformed.’

The word was like nectar.

‘I was,’ I said, filled with a sudden surge of love for Amber. ‘I was transformed. Which is why I can’t understand why you’re making such a big deal about me being late today. I’m sorry, Duncan, I really am. I don’t know how to apologize any more than I already have.’

His jaw was rigid beneath his pallid winter skin, his eyes flashing with anger.

‘This is where I have serious worries about you. How do you not see the problem?’

My heart was racing now. Thinking of Amber had loosened me up, made me too authentic. It was almost as if part of me was still in Devon, the edges between all of us blurred and soft. The sharp corners of London life were cutting way too deeply.

‘I… I do see…’

Duncan cut across me.

‘To turn up for a cross-departmental audit almost two hours late, utterly unprepared, without any kind of attempt to message your line manager or your colleagues. On day one back in the office!’ He thrust a frustrated hand through his wiry, dark curls like he wanted to yank them out at the roots. ‘It’s beyond belief,’ he said.