‘You’re very welcome,’ said Amber, beaming back at her. Relief and irritation duked it out again. She’s not a radiator, I thought. You can’t just sit there congratulating yourself on how well you bled her. It was jealousy too; my surly daughter already seemed like putty in her hands. ‘You’re starting the journey. You’re saying yes.’

I cut in. My voice sounded nasal and harsh to my own ears. ‘So, you’re thinking a series of sessions?’ I said. ‘A few weeks?’

Amber slowly rotated her body away from Rachel’s, turning that intense gaze of hers onto me. ‘Good question,’ she said.

I was caught in her headlights.

‘What do you want, darling?’ I asked Rachel, nervously.

‘Not to feel so horrendously shit,’ said Rachel, smiling an actual smile for what felt like the first time in living memory.

‘Good answer!’ said Amber, almost playful. She paused, and the room stilled with her. ‘But maybe we should turn that question around. What would you like, Lily?’

I froze.

‘The same thing, obviously,’ I said. ‘For my daughter to be happy and healthy.’

‘But that wasn’t the whole question. What would you like, for you? For Lily? It’s important. You’re not just Rachel’s mum.’ Or Nick’s wife, I thought. I tried to formulate a response, but Amber’s soft voice had started up again. ‘I can see how hard you’re working too,’ she started. ‘Even if you can’t answer it now, just stay with the question over the next few days. See what emerges for you.’

‘Okay,’ I said, as monosyllabic as Rachel had been for the past few days. The question vibrated inside of me, like a wasp trapped in a hot summer car.

‘Shall we leave it there for today?’ said Amber. We both nodded our assent. Rachel looked different, there was no denying it. Now her tears were dry, you could see the brightness in her hazel eyes, a new alertness in her expression. Still, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. ‘And can I just say, I think you’ve both been incredible. Strong and vulnerable all at once. Warriors for truth. I’m really looking forward to our work together.’

Rachel gave her a look of pure gratitude.

‘Thanks for coming.’

‘You’re very welcome. What I would ask is, as we take the first few steps on the path, you try to make a commitment to yourself. Do you think you can agree to no alcohol or drugs until we see each other again?’

I cut in. ‘That’s a given. The doctor’s been very clear that Rachel can’t drink for at least three weeks. Her stomach was pumped, and as for drugs…’

They weren’t even listening. They were looking at each other, the same half smile on each of their faces.