‘Thought as much,’ said Arthur, crossing the threshold and landing heavily on the end of the saggy single bed. ‘I didn’t want to abandon you.’

‘You didn’t abandon me,’ I said. The verbal volley was so seamless between us.

‘So, how’s Rachel?’ he said, putting a hand on the mound my calves created under the thin duvet. I paused for a second, resisting the desire to trot out another slick reply.

‘Terrible? Wonderful? I’m not sure I can tell anymore,’ I said, my teeth starting to chatter. It wasn’t the cold, or at least it wasn’t only the cold.

‘Oh, sweetheart,’ he said, his hand stroking my legs through the fabric. I couldn’t tell if it was the comfort you’d give to a frightened animal or the first move in a seduction. My bare face combined with the bare room made the second option seem almost outlandish. Neither of us spoke, each assessing the other’s state of mind in a sticky kind of silence. There was a second where I was ready to pull back, the moonlight illuminating the deep lines on his face, telling part of the story about how predatory this was, how inappropriate. Eventually I let my eyes meet his, holding his gaze, and he accepted the invitation. Or at least that was how I interpreted it in the moment – now I wonder how much choice I had in any of it. His mouth was on mine in a millisecond, his beard rubbing my raw skin. I clutched at him, craving another heartbeat now the choice had been made, my body cleaving against his. After a couple of minutes, he broke away.

‘I don’t know about you,’ he muttered, ‘but my patience for getting amorous in single beds wore rather thin after my first year at university. Would you be open to taking this upstairs?’

‘Upstairs?’ I said, unwilling to let go of him now the space between us had been breached. It was always like that back then – ambivalence would turn to obsession in the blink of an eye.

‘Yes. Without meaning to throw shade on your digs, my room’s a smidge more palatial than this,’ he said, casting a look of wry amusement around the grim bedroom.

‘Okay,’ I said, swinging my bare feet down onto the carpet.

Arthur grinned. ‘Hold your horses, partner,’ he said. ‘Let’s employ a bit of subtlety. I’ll go first. Give it five minutes and then take the stairs at the end of the landing. I’m the first door on the left.’ He must have sensed my unease. ‘Don’t worry, Amber’s sleeping in the stables in the grounds. They’re even nicer.’

How subtly he made off with all the power, and how easily I gifted it to him. It still gives me a shot of shame, even though intellectually I know I did nothing wrong.