Dinner was full of predictable compliments and toasts. I surfed the warmth of it, gratefully let the group energy carry me, but I didn’t have the spirit to jump in feet first. ‘Are you alright?’ mouthed Hannah, my faithful companion, and I nodded a solemn yes. She was sitting further up the table, snuggling close to Marco, failing at any kind of romantic subterfuge. I couldn’t help fearing for her – her appeal here, in this febrile intensity, would be very different when it was transplanted to a Eurotrash bar at the far end of the Fulham Road. Or maybe it wouldn’t; maybe I was simply a cynic.

Meanwhile I’d gone back to avoiding Arthur’s gaze, determined to eat a respectable amount of my vegetarian chilli – the hard kidney beans like lumps of shrapnel – and take my thumping head to bed. Why couldn’t I inhale the fairy dust of the day that seemed to have left everyone else so gloriously high? They all felt brimming with festive cheer, what with their overflowing glasses and euphoric chatter, whereas I was truly the grinch that stole Christmas. I got up and walked to the far end of the kitchen, intending to brew myself another cup of ginger tea. As the kettle dinged, Tim appeared beside me.

‘Are you okay, Rachel?’ he said, face serious.

‘Yeah, no. I’m fine, just tired,’ I said, trying for breezy. ‘It was a big day for all of us.’

‘Yeah, but…’ He watched me, some internal struggle taking place. It was starting to irritate me.

‘What is it, Tim? Did my head spin on my neck or something? It’s all a bit blurry at the end. What happened?’

He raised a smile.

‘It was just – I was worried about you, Rachel. Medically. I actually put you in the recovery position when you were on the ground.’

‘What do you mean?’ I asked, panic starting to rise back up.

Tim cocked his head, his eyes kind. I could tell in that second how lucky his patients were to have him.

‘It didn’t feel right…’ he started, but before he could finish Amber had sailed up behind us.

‘Rachel’s the queen of secret squirrel huddles this evening!’ she said, putting an arm around each of us. ‘Come back and enjoy the party. The family’s missing you!’

I grabbed at the scarf around my neck, a little piece of my sister. Perhaps if I wandered every corner of the house, I could find a glimmer of signal and send her a text.