My sobbing had reached fever pitch, my whole body convulsing. Was this why my life had been so hard? Some twisted sacred contract with the woman who was meant to love me more than anyone, but hated me on some level too deep and primal for either of us to even know about?

The pain welled up, exploded, and finally enveloped me in its blackness.

I could hear sounds, but it was hard to identify them. My eyelids reluctantly strained open, Hannah swimming into vision above me.

‘Where am I?’ I said.

‘You’re tucked up in bed,’ she said, smiling contentedly. ‘Amber says you need to rest. You were so brave – I was really proud of you.’ She ducked down to floor level. ‘Here, I brought you a cup of tea. Builders, two sugars. I thought you needed something stronger than chamomile!’

I sat up in bed, my head knocking against the cold wall, and took the mug from her hands. My temples were thudding with pain.

‘How did I even get here?’ I asked. Outside the small window above my bed, the sky was inky black.

Hannah paused a second, nervously licking her cracked lips, and then recovered herself.

‘You… I think you tried so hard it got too much. Everything just had to be purged, Rachel! Amber says we can call you that again, because you’ve shed it all!’

She flung her hands up as she said it, the phrase so clearly Amber’s, not her own.

‘What do you mean, too much?’ I said, my body spiky with panic. ‘How long have I been out for?’

Hannah hesitated again.

‘You kind of… it was like you needed to rest. And then you did. Your body had so much wisdom!’

‘I blacked out?’

‘Kind of.’ She lunged towards me, gripping both my hands in hers. ‘You went on the most incredible journey.’ Her eyes were wet with tears now. ‘I was… I was humbled, watching you. And now you’re free!’

It wasn’t just my head that throbbed; my left side felt bruised and tender. The story was starting to come back to me in fragments – the raging woman, the dark, dank cell that I’d perished in, a shape-shifting version of my own mother responsible. I think I must have made a lightning decision in that moment, lying in that tiny bedroom – a cell of another kind – that I’d paid so much to lock myself into. I couldn’t afford to burn down another structure. To leave myself all alone in the wreckage. For now, I had to believe that this was home. That these were people I could find shelter with, a family I’d chosen at least for now. I smiled back at Hannah.

‘How about you?’ I said, squeezing her hand. ‘How was your turn?’

Her eyes shone brightly.

‘Oh my God, it was amazing. I feel amazing!’