“I don’t know.” She holds her elbows. “It’s just a feeling of unbearable dread. Like every cell in my body’s been fixed with an alarm and I’m just waiting for them to go off. But I don’t know when. So I can’t ease up. I can’t get comfortable like last time. I won’t let myself fall into another false sense of security. Who knows what my parents will be like once their exhaustion wears off and they have to actually face a day rather than sleep through it.”

“You’re just stressed out. You need to go out for a stroll. Get some sun.”

She stares at him with her lips slightly parted. Blaze churns, slow and thick. So, it hasn’t left either. She hides her hands underneath the table and presses her thumb into the cigarette burn on her left palm that is covered up with a manky Band-Aid. Focuses on the pain. The scar has healed while she’s been asleep. She presses harder and waits for the release.

“What about work?” he asks her.

“I’m not ready yet.” The government job she slags off from time-to-time has its benefits, and extended leave, given the circumstances of her bereavement, is one of them.

“Well, I don’t think that’s a good idea. The sooner we get back to our old lives, the better.”

Her eyes soften with pity for Nirav. He doesn’t realize there is no old life to go back to anymore.

“I wish you wouldn’t rush me through this, Niru.” She wishes he would talk to her about what has happened, what is happening, rather than distract away from it. “You won’t talk to me about Sunil. You won’t even mention his name.”

He scowls at the floor. “That’s perhaps for the best.”

“You know you can—”

“No, Kavita, I can’t. And you wouldn’t want me to either.” He stands up. “Right, well, I can’t take it anymore. It’s too sad here, Kavita. I’ll stay one more night but then I’m moving back to the condo. Tomorrow, I’m going back to work.”

He storms out of the kitchen, tumbling down the stairs with noisy steps, she assumes, to resume his video game marathon.

She blinks at a Sunil’s empty chair, wishing he was sitting across from her, like he had during every family meal. How do I do it? she wants to ask him. How do I split myself into pieces and please them all?