“Oh, right.” Chi averts her gaze. “Well, it must be nice to have some time off, right? I haven’t had a real vacation in years. But Tokyo this summer to visit the fam! I can’t wait to get away. Emerg is like a war zone.”

“I thought it was like a zoo?”

“That too.”

“I’m just the opposite,” Kavita goes on after a brief pause. “I wish I could work.” The comforting structure of a routine. Wake, wash, dress. Ride the bus to work. Maybe grab a happy hour drink afterward. These mundane things she once did with robotic ease. Now, cut off in her cave of sorrow, she can’t see a way back to them, as though the path has been swallowed by the dark presence in her life.

“Anyway,” Chi says, groping for another topic. “How’s Nirav? I haven’t seen him in forever. I miss that guy!”

“He’s fine. At least I think he’s fine. It’s hard to tell. Things have been pretty tense. We just got back from London. His grandmother passed away.” Kavita hopes that speaking openly about one death might lead to them speaking openly about another.

“Oh God,” Chi gasps. “Poor him.”

“I know, it’s sad. She was sick with cancer for a while, but it still came as a shock. He seems to be handling it well, though. Actually, I take that back. I don’t know if he’s handling it well at all. Whenever I ask about it, he says he’s fine, and that’s where the conversation ends. I guess he’s dealing with it the same way he deals with everything. Honestly, I don’t know where he puts things.”

“Boys will be boys,” Chi shrugs.

Was that how Sunil saw things too? Kavita wonders. Was that why he kept so much to himself? Because he thought showing vulnerability was inherently emasculating? Can the same be said of her anger? Does part of her think it’s unfeminine, and therefore, inappropriate? A bleak thought. Both of them muzzled, without a common language to express their human pain.

Domed by the sounds of the coffee shop, they drop into silence, each sipping at her cup, unsure of what to say next, as if they are on bad first date. All that needs to happen next is for one of them to check her watch and make an excuse about leaving the stove on, and their failed interaction will be complete.

“Should I send flowers?” Chi asks at last.

“That’s sweet. Only if you want to. I’ll let him know you’re thinking about him.”

“That’s okay, I’ll write him an email.”

Kavita’s gaze hardens. She feels Blaze begin to simmer as she remembers how Chi ignored her emails, only to secretly correspond with her husband. Were they still writing each other? Were they still talking about her behind her back?