Changing her diaper, I put her into a onesie that I vaguely remember buying for my baby. As much as I wanted to break down and cry, I knew it wasn’t the right time.  I needed to stay focused on this beautiful baby girl. I continued to sing softly, picking her up and walking her around the room and swaying with the beat of “Dream a Little Dream of Me.”

Her eyes fluttered, closing occasionally as sleep was finally claiming her. I continued swaying, making sure she was asleep before I laid her down in the crib with a sound machine. I closed the door, walking to the living room, and found both Callum and Kelsey staring at me from the sofa.

“Are you the baby whisperer?” She asked.

“I actually took a couple of baby classes while I was pregnant, and I honestly didn’t know if that was going to work.” I shrugged, fighting through the grief that was rearing its ugly head. Callum looked at me, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. It was as if every emotion was crossing his face and he didn’t know what emotion to settle on.

“I should have done that.” Kelsey’s eyes welled up with tears.

“Oh honey, don’t compare us.” I sat down next to her. “Henry and I had been trying for years. Let’s just say I had a shit ton of time to prepare for a baby.” I rubbed her back as she cried.

“Kels, don’t do this to yourself.” Callum turned towards her. “Everything can’t be perfect and you're still learning. You’ve had to work and prepare for this baby by yourself.” He pulled her into his arms, rocking her and saying things to her to help her calm down.

I was speechless. Callum was a great person, and I experienced it while we were in Dallas, but this… This was a man who was hiding behind so many layers, hiding behind anger, pessimism, and a shit life. I assumed it was a rough life after hearing how they forced him to go to the Marines because of some trouble he got into as a teenager.

He looked up at me with appreciation in his eyes and something else, I almost wanted to say apprehension. He looked scared, and I didn’t know why. All I wanted to do was care for him, make him smile, and show him love wasn’t an enemy. Love? My love? Shit. Did I love Callum?

“Jane?” Kelsey pulled me from my thoughts. I took one last look at Callum and turned my attention to Kelsey.

“Yeah?” I felt uneasy at my thoughts.

“Thank you so much. I know this must be hard for you.” She wiped her eyes.

“Don’t...”

She waved her hand at me, stopping me from continuing.