“I didn’t know she tried to kill herself.” I didn’t know how this information made me feel. “She’s been seeing a therapist, and from what she has said she still sees her.”

“I know I’m being dramatic, but I can’t help it.” Nathan was a little dramatic, but I trusted his instincts. I was feeling like something bad was about to happen, too.

“I feel like something is going to happen, and I don’t like it. It’s been making me feel on edge all day,” I admitted.

“What about Cal?” Nathan asked. “His feelings are always spot-on.”

“He’s gone to go see Kelsey and Rose, to make sure they aren’t being watched by anyone, and that they’re ok.” Every time he left the house, I was anxious that Lucio’s men would come, pick him up, and we wouldn’t see him ever again. I knew it was a slim chance, but I was still worried. “I’m going to make myself something to eat, and I’ll bring you something too. I can‘t have you withering away before your surgery. You also need to take pain meds because I see the pain is taking it out of you. You’re looking haggard.”

I walked out of his room to go make something to eat, feeling uneasy. We knew she had a hard time mentally because she had said she went to therapy. I just didn’t realize it was also about suicide. A few buddies from the marines committed suicide, and I knew how bad it affected everyone around them. I really hoped Jane wasn’t back there again because if she left, I didn’t know how we would survive. The need to see her was now overwhelming, and I knew I had to figure out where she was.

21. Jane

TWENTY-ONE

Jane

1 week after finding out my dead husband was a piece of shit.

The phone was ringing. I knew I needed to pick it up, but I think I was still drunk from last night. It finally stopped, but a few minutes later, it rang again. I rolled over to the side the hotel phone was on, almost rolling off the bed.

“Yes,” I snapped, but my voice was hoarse, so it sounded garbled.

“Jane?” My brother JD sounded confused.

“JD?” I coughed because my throat was so dry.

“Dammit Jane, where the fuck have you been?” He sounded exasperated now.