I can sense a tone of retribution in some of the comments, as if people have been waiting for you to be found out. I did know somewhere deep inside that not everyone could have the same low morals as you. That some people wouldn’t approve. The sad thing is, though, that they’d feel it was none of their business and keep quiet. But Facebook has a habit of bringing out the worst in people, and from behind a keyboard, where you can’t overpower with your strong reasoned, almost threatening arguments, it will be easier to join in the finger-pointing and sharing.

I am a little bit worried about Julie calling the police, if I’m honest. I wonder if it’s struck her that she’s going to have to admit to giving a married man a blow job while he photographs her, in public, while she’s on a secret trip that her husband doesn’t know about. I know you, Jack; you’ll be telling people that it isn’t you in the picture. That it could be anyone. That everyone’s just jumped to conclusions because of the Christine pictures.

But right now you will know that it’s definitely me who has the journal and that I’m Monica. You know it’s you in the pictures and you’ll go to any lengths to convince people it isn’t. The fact that my phone isn’t ringing out with DS Percy’s number tells me that Julie hasn’t made a complaint. I wait and wait and eventually she posts a comment on the picture that has been shared on her friend’s timeline that this isn’t her and Jack Atkinson like everyone’s saying and that she’s going to sue anyone who suggests it is.

Which is almost laugh-out-loud funny because no one has actually mentioned your name and you’re not in the picture, just as she isn’t. It could be anyone, but Julie has just filled in the schema gaps for everyone and completed the puzzle.

You’ll be complaining right now, though, arguing that both those pictures are from your missing journal – and DS Percy, who is, as far as I could see from my comments about my Premier Inn activity, fairly strait-laced, will be wondering what exactly is in this journal – and blaming me. Who keeps a journal full of sexual mementoes of their infidelity? What kind of person does that?